The Clothes Line Is Up

So I'm waiting, like so many others, for the nice weather. I want to hang my clothes in the sunshine, dig in the soon to be garden, and watch the children play on the swing set.

Well we just put the clothes line up, and its a learning curve. Hey, I grew up with one, but this seems different some how. So yesterday I lug my huge heavy basket of wet clothes up 2 flights of stairs and to the clothes line. It was damp out, and the sun was lost behind this thick vale of clouds. I start. Sort, shake, hang, clothes pin, clip. Sort, shake, hang, clothes pin, clip. I noticed something really quick. It was cold. My fingers were cold. Fast. Bryan was wining about going in. I only had 3 things up. It didn't help to try to go faster. I just fumbled. I was about 3/4 the way done, (1/2 hour later, deserted by my son) when the clothes line made a creak and snap, jumped and shook. Huh? I looked at it. It's lower? Whats going on here? I looked, and couldn't see anything. I reached for another piece of clothing, reached up to string it and then I notice and realize what made the noise. The board it's screwed into is coming away from the post it is in. :( It creaked as I continue to string the clothes up and slide the line along. I envision the board coming loose and flying free, scattering my flesh clean clothes on the ground.

I ran out of pins and had to throw the rest in the dryer. Despite the creaking and groaning, I got up most of it and decided to watch it but leave it. It was still pretty wet by 12:00pm. The creaking boards were holding, so I left it. It was a busy day out of the house all afternoon. As I drove up at 4:00pm I slowed just before I drove into the drive, to peek along the side of the house. It was still holding. The colorful clothes were fluttering in the breeze. It was warm and sunny.

We all rushed into the house for different reasons. The kids took off, and I hurried to put the baby to bed, and go see my clothes. They were mostly dry. I began taking them off. Snap, pull, drop. Snap, pull, drop.

Then it happened. A whiff of fresh laundry off the line. I love that smell

Later in the evening, I got to folding the clothes. As I folded I could smell it. As I slipped my line dried sweeter over my head this morning I could smell it. I was reminded of my hard work yesterday, fresh air, and beautiful sunshine.

So last night Hunny fixed the cloths line, attaching it straight to the bean. So, this morning,  I struggled up 2 flights of stairs again with the basket of wet clothes, with the same whinny boy. He stayed out the whole time with me though this morning. Watching and chattering away while I sorted, shook, hung, pinned, and clipped. Over and over until the load was up. My fingers were cold but it seemed so worth it.

It represents so much to me. My moms labor of love, over and over again. I understand now as a mom. It never ends. Just as I tuck the last piece of clean clothing away in a drawer, the full basket of dirty clothes await. It was the same for her.

I remember carefree days as a child. Playing outside, that clothesline full of clothes fluttering in the wind. Crawling into bed as a small child, the clean of fresh line dried sheets, wafting in the air, all around me.

I have wanted a clothes line since Goran and I got married. But the yards were small and there was little room for a clothes line. Honestly, we fought about this thing. He wanted me to be happy, and I wanted a clothes line so bad. So he did it. And I'm so happy. I can do the same for my kids. Snuggle them to bed in my labors of love.

More

I've been working on it since she was likely 6 months old. Signing, more, milk and all done. 6 or 8 weeks ago she saw me coming out of the shower, and signed milk at me!! Yeah, all my hard work had paid off. She hasn't done it again :( She sits at supper and has this screech if I'm not fast enough.

I sign 'more' and remind her, "No screaming, tell Mommy 'more'."

Goran teases me, "She knows how to get more, she screams at you!"

But it was him who did it. Last night I was eating, feeding her, trying to tell her to sign more, scooping out food for 3 other kids...just general supper craziness.

"Goran can you...?" I let the sentence go and handed him her bowl at the same time.

Screech, screech!

"Klara, do this," he signed 'more' at her. I laughed now. If it was that easy, she'd be doing it by now, right?

The kids joined in.

"Klara like this!" They called to her, all signing in turn. She watched, and Goran continued to feed her, and I was taking her hands and showing her how it was done. Supper continued in this manner for a few minutes. Eating, calling to her, showing her, and feeding her.

I think I saw it 1st. Someone was calling her and showing her. She was gaping at the empty bowl, her little mouth opening and closing for more.

"Do you want 'more' Klara?" Goran asked, signing at the same time.

Its like slow motion in my head. The little fingers all pressed together....hands coming together, her little face turning upward for approval.

"She did it!" I screeched this time. "Did you see her?" I frantically turned my eyes to Goran and the kids in turn, wanting someone else to have seen it.

"Yes." "Yes!" "Yes!" Everyone cried out back to me. Goran was quietly smiling and nodding.

I thought she might forget over night. She hasn't. Breakfast and lunch she has done it for me again.

Concentrating so hard

Yes, Baby, you're doing it!

Persistent to do better.

Do you see it in her eyes? She's signing, but she asking 'more' with her eyes too!

Week of April 1st

So here we are, a week in pictures :)

A play on Thursday with friends....girls talking, and having lunch together.

I luv how they have a comfort with each other.

Playing. On the floor, all the toys out.

Grace ready for swimming, unicorn backpack packed.

Blow drying her hair after swimming.

Playing playmobil, with Daddy.

Really playing. He was making the people talk and everything. I luv how he does that!

Snow Thursday morning. Lovely, yes, but I'm tired of waking up to it.

And cleaning off the van.

Wet baby hair after a bath. I luv the way it curls :)

French braids and butterfly clips

Bryan in the window sill. Smiling for the camera.
As soon as he here's the click, he says,
"Let me see."

Klara with mommy, in the ergo.

Goodness, closeness, sleepy, at the end of the day.

Cuddle with Daddy.

Cool Grace, for a ride.

Just like her Dad!

Grapes......

...being devoured!
She luvs food like me :)

I Went

I went to my meeting, was inspired, and came home.

I feel a bit like I have let myself down, but am moving forward.

I will do this.

I Feel Like I'm Failing - At This Weight Loss Thing

It was about a month ago I posted about my weight. My desire to lose, and my plan. The month has had its ups and down. Some good weight in's and not so good. And now I've been sick for the past 3 days. I worry when I get sick. I worry about that 3 month long sinus infection I had 3 years ago. How sick I was, how hard everything was, how tired I was, how I went to the doctor over and over again...and got no where. How much time I wasted, and ended up at the reflexologist who finally got me on the right path...but it was really another 3 months later. Anyways, I worry I will get sick like that again. And what does this mommy do when she is sick and stressed out? Uh ha, I ate way way to much. So stepping on the scale this am, I am where I started when I made that post. My heart sank, and I had to get off that scale and make the number go away. I rushed through my shower, angry and upset with myself.

So I face weigh-in day. I battle whether I should go. Whether I can really see those numbers on the scale tonight. I think it would set me back, and depress me. I don't think its worth the hurt to step on that scale tonight. But the meeting would be great for me. The motivation, and encouragement I receive from the meetings are so worth it.

So my plan is to go. Go to my meeting, skip weigh in. Enjoy the meeting and come home refreshed and ready for a new week. That is what I will do.

Goran told me this morning, he was proud of me. He said something like this "I luv you no matter what, and you know if doesn't matter to me, but I admire your determination and your fight. I know you will do this."

And really, what other choice do I have? Accept my weight and be unhappy looking in the mirror, and avoiding camera's forever?

I won't accept that. I deserve better. This is a journey. This is one step to success.

Inpsired - By My Oldest

I'm homeschooling my babies. I don't want to miss it. This learning. The light in there eyes, the joy, the excitement. I don't want someone else to see all those things in my kids, and for me to miss it. Angelina was in school for 2 years, and it killed me every day she went off to school. Someone else was getting the best of her, and I was getting this tired, cranky kids at the end of the day. And there was school work to do, ect. And I wasn't there to protect her. Save her from the bullies, big and small. That scared me. So, with much ado, hubby agreed to let me go ahead. Keep my sweet girl home, get the best of her, watch her eyes light up, enjoy, and teach her to luv learning.

I wasn't prepared for the battles, the tears, the "Do I have too?" Having to tell her the whole page of math problems were wrong and she would have to do them again. Correcting spelling, and asking her to write them out and the *sigh* that followed, and the scribbled attempts of corrections.

No one told me how I would question myself. Am I doing the right thing? Is she keeping up with grade 2 work? Why isn't she getting this math? What am I doing wrong? How can I explain it so she understands?



And the socializing. *Big SIGH* That is the 1st thing mainstream people mention. "It's a nice idea, its just that socializing is important too, right?" Or "Well, how do make sure she is getting socialized?" And, "Does she have friends her own age?" Some people are open discussion and listen what I have to say. Some people even nodd thier heads in agreement that yes homeschooling is good, and socializing isn't such a big concern, as they once thought. A few people, a very few people, shake their heads at me. "There are things you can't teach her. She needs to learn to socialize without you. She needs to learn without you always there." These people turn away from my attempt to explain. (this goes into a whole other topic of ignorant people - but I will save that for another post)




Despite people's concerns, and my own questioning, and the battles, I see it happening. She is growing and learning. We have had our struggles. Just before Christmas she made a very poor error in a social situation. This made me question myself huge. But with the help of my 'village' we picked up the pieces and moved forward. She made amends, and learned some important lessons.



Along with this, math has me questioning over and over if I can do this. I have fought the fear of not BEING able to do this. I have worried that I will fail her. She she won't get pass this...that I'm doing it wrong...if I could just figure out how to explain it to her....but through it all I've kept plugging away. Adding and subtracting numbers, talking it out with her, hours and hours of math. What else would I do? Admit defeat? Send her back to school?



But I - we must be doing something right. Her and I. Last week, just last week, she said math was fun. "This is easy," she laughed. Her math work was done quickly every day. Suddenly she gets it. So this is where I'm inspired.




It has taken 7 months of plugging away. She has struggled, fought, even hated math. But kept at it. And she 'gets' it.

Sometimes the struggle is long. Hard. Sometimes we hate it. Sometimes we fight it. But in the end, if what we are fighting for is good, it is worth the struggle.

She said to me last week, "I luv math!"

My New Camera

Get ready for pics. I luv to take pics of my sweet babies. I would really like to get in to photography, so taking lots is practice.

Here goes.

1. Nothing sweeter (or more peaceful) then a sleeping baby.


2. a bit blurry, and could have pulled him in more.


3. They were running and holding hands!! How cute is that. Action.



4. I hope they are the best of friends some day.



5. My sweet Angelina. My helper, my oldest, caring and thoughtful . I told her about the devastation in Japan, and that Mommy and Daddy were going to donate some money to help people who were hurt, and had no homes. "Can I too Mommy?" she asked.



6. My laughing Grace. She gets this craziness about her sometimes, and starts laughing at the silliest thing, and then can't stop. This is what happened here :)



7. Bryan reading a book. I luv the intent on his face. He has just gotten into books, and I luv to watch the world open up for him.



8. My baby, Klara May. Never wants to be left behind, and always watching the 3 older ones and learning. Soaking it all in...