Do you have one of those moments? One you wish you could stay in and hang onto for just a little longer. One where no one is talking, eye contact is made, all those happy wonderful feelings are felt, and there is contentment?
I had one of those today...at the end of a long day, full of craziness, anxiety, and waiting. All those feelings were satisfied and put to rest before the moment. A moment I want to share, and put into writing, so I will never forget. Because, as people, sometimes to forget the best of life.
I was laying down with Bryan to help him to sleep. I do that. I lay with him until he falls asleep. Mostly it feels like a chore. One more thing I have to do when I could be sweeping, or dishes, or checking facebook:). But I do it. Because I luv him and I believe its what he needs. I believe it gives him a sense of security and peace. And, because he won't stay in bed until he's asleep. Sometimes it takes a few minute. Sometimes, like last night, it took 40 minutes. (Grrr) Anyways, tonight I was laying with him. I was going over things in my head. The day, and how things had turned out. He was beside me, tossing and turning, talking to himself and playing with the blankets. Settling down I suppose. He was grabbing at my hand, and bonking me in the head with his head. Ouch. It wasn't dark yet and I could see the expression on his face. He was smiling, and there was a twinkle in his eye.
'This is going to be one of those forever nights' I told myself. I rolled over, frustrated and ignored him. Sometimes that works. He continued to talk to himself for a few minutes, but I lay still, hoping. I watched the clock. It was 9:11pm.
'OK, by 9:15,' I think to myself, 'he should be out like a light.' I watched the numbers tick past. He became quiet behind me so I knew slumber was taking over.
9:14 I rolled over to look at him. My moment. He was laying on his back, with the blanket pulled up to his belly, and his head nestled ageist the pillow. The way the pillow lifted his head it nestled his chin ageist his chest. One arm lay across his chest, the other stretched out above his head. As I rolled over I roused him enough for him to lift his heavy eye lids just enough to look at me and see that it was me who had roused him.
I wanted to say something to him. He looked like a little angel. As he saw me, this wonderful, happy, content smile spread across his whole face. His lips curved upwards, his eyes lifted. I mean it when I say his whole face smiled. He reached out his hands for me at the same time and I couldn't resist but to lean over and let him gather me to him and hold my face next to his.
As our heads rested together for the briefest of moments I heard him mumble "Mama," and felt his body relax and his arms let go. I pulled away so I could see his face. I reached my hand out to his face, caressed his cheek once, and tucked the blankets around him. As I did so, he rolled half onto one side, and I saw that smile again. Even in his his sleep he was content, happy, and peaceful. I wanted to stay. I wanted to hold onto that baby/toddler who is growing up to fast before my eyes. But there was no need. I had given him the security he needed, and now he was OK to sleep.
As I left his room on tip toes, I was glad for my 'chore' tonight. I was glad Goran wasn't home to do it, and that I had too. It becomes mundane at times. But, then there are these moments, every now and then that make me happy I do it. I did things different with the girls and feel sorry about that at times, but live and learn, right? Now is the time to learn from it, don't sweet the small stuff so much, and enjoy the years they are young. Because its true, they really do grow up to fast, and you miss it when its done.
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