Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween 2011

The energy was contagious. They were so excited!! We don't make a big deal about Halloween. Costumes tend to be something around the house that we have, or something we can use again. And they have been great about it. It was about a month ago the discussions and talks began. Skeletons, a ballerina's, a pumpkin, and one who couldn't make up his mind. He had started with skeleton, then Harry Potter, but then a fire fighter, but this morning again changed his mind again. I have to say I like what he changed his mind to.

The day began with a Halloween party at a friends, and lots of kids to play. Treats, and costumes, smiles, laughter and pictures.

nursing a sweet pumpkin

The day continued on with pumpkin carving, and the excitement grew. Bryan was a wee bit confused asking questions like "Do we do trick or treating today?"and saying "Its getting dark!" at 5:00pm.

When it was finally time, the girls were ready and waiting to begin with the neighbors house, but Bryan was standing quit confused. "What do we do?"

I explained that he would knock on the door and say, "Trick or Treat," to Tony.

"Then what?" he asked.

The girls laughed and giggled at the door. "Come on Bryan!" Urging him on. "Then he will give us candy!"

He got a bit of a lopsided smile and agreed, and trucked out the door to get started, while I got the baby ready. Seconds later I saw running back up the side walk and threw open the door the girls happily laughing right behind him.

"He gave me candy!"

It took no urging at all to get him to the next house, or the next one...or the last one :)

I followed behind, pushing the stroller, and walking the dog. I waved and called "Happy Halloween" and chatted with the neighbors I know. I was  a bit nostalgic, as I followed and watched, the smell of the fallen leaves strong as they crunched first under the weight of the stroller and then under my feet.

I watch now.  The big ones teach the little ones. I can remember so clearly taking Angelina by the hand and saying happy Halloween so she would mimic me. I remember her little face looking into the bag at the first door, and turning up to me, with such wonder and excitement. 

This was different, but I enjoyed it immensely. It was lovely, and relaxed, and their excited laughter made me smile and laugh.

I slip my pics from the night into the blog. They reflect, and will remind me, but its like a video in my mind. And I will play over and over, and smile each time.

I am so blessed!

Friday, October 28, 2011

{this moment}

{this moment}
 A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
Inspired my SouleMama

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

My Project

When I was pregnant I had formed this project in my mind. I was going to redo Bryan's room for him to share with Klara. He was excited about sharing his space, and having Klara in his room. And then when I miscarried he was confused. He was still talking about the baby and we would have to remind him our baby died. He was still talking about sharing his space too.

"But when Klara comes to my room...."he'd begin and then tell us a story.

So that is where I threw my energy. I had all this energy, and sadness, and I had to do something with it. I didn't want to be sad, always thinking about my miscarriage, and have fits of crying over our loss. Yes, its there, always, but my kids and husband need more from me.

So I started planning, and saving, and dreaming. Planning out the space, colors to accent, curtains to hang, matching bedspreads that were not to gender specific....saving money to buy all this stuff.....and dreaming how great it would look.

I planned a big trip to IKEA, and although my shopping buddy had to board a plane to see an ailing aunt the day before, I found another, a new sitter, and off I went. I have now spent the last 2 days, assembling, stuffing, drilling and hanging. But I luv it! (They do too!)

It was good for me. To do something with my hands. To bring what I saw in my mind a reality. Klara has gone to bed last night and tonight in her new bed. I have to admit, I wasn't ready for that. I like having her beside me at night. There is a comfort in the night to putting my hand on her back and feeling her breath. To her waking in the early morning, tugging at my shirt and the sweet sound of satisfaction as her breath becomes more easied again, while she nurses back to sleep. I was thankful at 3:00am when she woke calling me and was happy to come back to my bed!

she has begun to make herself at home :)

she luvs turning the light off/on....she just can't figure out the on part!
i turned Bryans off last night when i went to bed, and he woke and turned it back on at some point :)
red book sling! to match duvet


blue for Bryan, again to match (yes the fabrics match!)
ideas and patterns for the book slings borrowed from: ay.html
so cute, so happy
so proud and watching big brother for what to do next

Monday, October 24, 2011

Puffy Pancakes

Before I had even made this Angelina was saying, "Oh, I don't want it! Are you making anything else?"

Well this was it, and guess what? She ate more then anyone else!

Puffy Pancakes

1 cup flour
1 cup milk
4 eggs
Mix together till smooth (I used my hand mixer)

Preheat oven to 350F. In a glass pan allow 1/4c of butter to melt in the heating oven while you mix ingredients. When its melted, take the pan out, pour you liquid mix into the pan. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar. Bake for 20 minutes in preheated oven. 

It came out looking pretty funny and we all had a good laugh! 

i luv that i can see me in the pot :)

Friday, October 21, 2011

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.
Inspired by SouleMama


Friday, October 14, 2011

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

Inspired by SouleMama

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving for us. Moving forward from the pain of all of the past few weeks has been new. Dealing with this and moving forward is new to me. This loss hurts. Talking to others has really helped. Some have been through similar loss and pain, and can empathize, some have not been through anything like this, but as good friends they listen and try to understand, hold my hand, or give a hug. It is healing. It comes to mind less, and less, and hurts less and less. I'm sad when I just let myself feel it. Sad that I am not pregnant. Sad that they tiny baby that was growing deep inside me, has died. Sad that the children won't be able to watch my belly grow, feel that baby kick, and that in April, we won't welcome that baby into our arms. Shortly after all this had ended, Angelina lay her head on my shoulder and said "I'm sad we won't have a baby."

But as I said we were healing, we are. My body is becoming whole again, and I am feeling well. We can go for long walking in the beautiful sunshine blessed on us so late in the year. I can slip the kids in the car and take the girls to ballet or the kids to swimming, and its OK. I'm not exhausted or overwhelmed coming home. I am joyfully beginning to plan ahead, cook meals from scratch, and bake muffins/cookies on a whim for now and/or later. I enjoy bath time and snuggle time again.

And this weekend came with healing balm of its own. My birthday party delayed come too! Friends, GREAT food made by a good friend, smiles, hugs, laughs,candles, cheers, and cake. Goran kept 10+ kids busy so the momma's could just visit.

A trip to the local farm for pumpkin picking, apple picking, hay rides, hay maze, and a corn maze. All 6 of us together, enjoying, smiling and laughing. Coming home to ham in the crock pot, quickly made squash, scalloped taters, apple cider, and warm buns from the oven. More candle light, but now with the man of my dreams and the children I have been blessed to watch grow and keep safe. They luved it. The candle light and apple cider in mugs. Finish with pumpkin pie warm from the oven and topped with whipped cream.

ballet, you'll find more!

i luv the way he is looking at his dad

tiny fingers

'hahaha! Take a picture of my bum'

It has been a beautiful weekend. A healing weekend with my family and friends. A weekend I am truly
thankful for. Company, weather, food, all blessing I am so so thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Friday, October 7, 2011

{this moment}

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.
inspired by SouleMama


Monday, October 3, 2011

Happy Birthday

Where do I begin? I don't know. My heart hurts, but in the hurting, healing is happening. My body hurts, but as I slowly return to daily activities my body is mending, and heart with it.

'i can smell fall' she says         

he tripped and fell and wanted to hold MY hand. so rare
new shoes  

sisters! i luv the happy smiles - so excited about ballet

friends sleeping son

playing nephew
she is growing so fast....
 Today was an exceptional day. My smiling kids greeted me outside the bathroom door with smiles and shouts "Happy Birthday" and hugs and gifts. I am so blessed.

"Mom" (that's me!)
2 big girls wrote their name, and Bryan drew the heart. <3

Dinner made by Mom and Dad, and cake made by my mother - in - law finished the quiet birthday in perfection.

cake #2
Happy Birthday! Another year gone by.