There was once a time I said I was never having children. Yes, believe it or not, I said that. But I was really afraid that no one would love me enough to want to have a family with me. As I grew into adulthood I realized with careful selecting, I could find someone. I met Goran, and there was just something about him. After a few months of marriage, I thought it would be nice to have a baby. At this point I was willing to admit that I wanted children, and so badly in fact I was fearful maybe it couldn't happen for us. There are those people who try for years, and never have children. I was so afraid I would be one of them. I wasn't. No fancy tricks, or doctors visits for us. With in a few months, Angelina was on the way. I had some trouble with spotting, nothing major, but enough for a first timer like me to be very worried. And then, on November 26th, 2003, I became a mom. Angelina made me a mom. There is something about motherhood that changed me forever. I held the life from inside me, in my arms. 2 years later I experienced birth in a whole new light. I labored at home, surrounded by people how supported me, encouraged me, and I pushed my Gracey into this world. 2 years later I did again. Bryan came into our family, at home, surrounded with people who encouraged me, and loved him.
So now, I go out with them and people say, "Oh wow, are they all yours?" I always smile. "Yes, they're all mine," I reply back. They are my children. They have made me the mom I am. I love them so much. I have guilt about things I wish I had done differently for them. But each day for us is a new day. I fresh day with no mistakes. I try again, every day, because I want the best for them. I want them to grow up, kind, loving, intelligent people. I want them to respect their elders, and love each other. I want them to look back on their childhood with fond memories. I want them to know without a doubt that I loved them from the moment they were conceived inside me. I love them for the individual they are. I tell them every day. I hug them, and kiss them goodnight, and whisper it in their ears. But its more then the words.
My mom has taught me that. She has loved me. Through all the grief I gave her, for all the times I pushed her away, she continues to loves me. She taught me love is more then words, it is actions. Getting up everyday, making sure the children are fed, and dressed. Sometimes going without so they get what they need.
So I want to say thank you to my mom. For being my mom, and loving when I didn't want you to. For showing me what it is to be a mom, and how to put your kids first. For showing me you win over more bees with honey then vinegar:) Happy Mothers Day Mom.
Goran, thank you for making this beautiful family with me. Our 2 beautiful girls, and hansom son. I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.
Angelina, Grace and Bryan, thank you for making me a mom. Thank you for pushing me to far, and forgiving me when I push you to far. Thank you for wrapping your arms around me and whispering "I love you Mommy," in my ear. Thank you for starting every day fresh, with smiles on your faces. Thank you for showing me the love that only you 3 ever could. You are my passion, and inspiration for life. I will do all in my power to protect you, and keep you safe. Every day of my life, I will love you 3 like it's the last.
So to all the moms out there, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY. I wish you the best mothers day of all!
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