Monday, August 8, 2016

Camping With 6!

Getting out the door took hours longer then expected. Everyone was crappy and frustrated...but we finally did it. 

Walking back from the pool where he went under 2xs and after I picked him up he went right back to running and jumping in! 

So I bombed the smores...only had tiny marshmallows! But, I brought ice cream cones and foil and we wrapped them up and threw them in the fire. 

"This is awsome Mom!" 

"Mom, wouldn't it have been awesome if u had twin girls?" 
"Sure would have!" 
"If she'd been born the same time as me?" 
"And you would have a twin sister!" 
"And we could share clothes!" 
Her kind and generous heart ♥️ 

"Hey buddy come here for a selfie!" Toad in his hands, he looks up and smiles. 

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Summer Days and Baby Days

It's flying by. Somehow we are 6 weeks post partum tomorrow. We have filed the sun shinny days of summer with swimming lessons, soccer nights, visits with cousins/friends, ice cream treats, stacking wood, and late night swims.

My garden is meager and struggling...I've been slightly distracted, but it has yielded tomatoes, and zucchini. Kale is ripe and ready for picking, and I'm trusting that the flourishing potatoes plants are growing beautiful huge round potatoes for use to eat. If someone would just get to those weeds....

The pools turned green more then many times in fact I have found WATER BUGS making themselves at home. It's been clean for almost a week now, we can see the icecubey pattern on the bottom and no more water bugs skimming and dividing. Only 4 more weeks, and it'll be time to close it up. I look forward to one less thing, but dread the ending of summer. No more flip flops, sun drenched kids, and ice cream smudged mouths. 

I luv these days. Relaxed summer days, watching the kids play, reading Charlottes Web aloud, and cuddling sweet growing Caleb. It's a sobering thought that these baby days are my last baby days. I cuddle him and hold him as long as time allows. I wrap him, and walk him, and nurse him, and push away any complaint that tries to surface. It's not easy, but I made a decision to focus on the positive. The new baby smiles, each new sound Sam makes, the way Klara has found a luv for soccer, the way Bryan is reading with renewed determination, the way Grace changes a diaper with ease, and Angelina bakes cookies, makes lunches, and throws shepherds pie in the oven. I'm an blessed. And in the hard moments, those moments I could almost cry, or pull my hair out, or shout at someone who doesn't deserve it, I stop, breath, picture the good moments, smiles, sounds, soccer, arms holding the baby, curly hummid hair, and long swimming legs, and I'm reminded of why I'm here. Why I luv it. I hug the kids, say my sorries, let them see me sad, so they see I'm genuine and we move forward. We smile, tell jokes, I lift that baby my arms, wrap an arm around Sam, and soak it in.

More about camping, garden pics, and 6 weeks pics over the weekend.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Klara's Ballet Pics

Klaras recital was amazing as usual. She tried her hardest, and did that thing where she sticks her tongue out the side of her mouth because she is concentrating so hard!

And she was as cute as could be!

I was asked several times how much longer I had to go before I was due. Funny how I didn't know then that Caleb was coming before I thought!

Summer Solstice with 6

I wasn't up for much. My leg was still numb on and off, and if I sat for too my bottom would go numb and I couldn't get up. The 6th one is harder to recover from then the 1st one!

But we did head out to a local provincial park for a swim, and enjoy this long late night!

running in! 

trying to find stones to skip

my tiny squish, so sweet and peaceful
my number 6
with stork bite scattered across his brown
he has made my heart grow bigger then i ever imagined 

I've tried hard right from the beginning to keep up with kids. Given them things to do, and be involved, even if I move slower, or have to wait to settle Caleb, I know they need me too.

Bryan was telling Klara "You'll see, Moms tummy will get smaller and smaller, and she feel better and better, and she'll start doing everything like before, and we'll have our mom back."

Oh be still my heart.


The Saturday after Caleb was born my mom came for the day to help. I napped, she played with the kids, did laundry, prepped supper, made salad, you name it. I rested, held my baby, and watched my bid kids play. 

And before they left we ate together. It makes my heart so happy when we sit celebrating my new baby,  around the table my dad and I envisioned together, and made together <3 div="">

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Day 1 of Photos-A-Day Caleb

1st one to hold him!

it was 5pm the 1st day before he wanted to hold him

baby whisperer

snuggley boys

'can i hold him' She asks over and over
The first days are magical. Cuddles, slow days, dreamy gazing, and deeply breathing that squish in. Not just me, but all of us. The house was a constant stream of help I will always be grateful for. Help with the big kids, laundry, meals, and tidying, The naps, with Caleb snuggled up against me, and Sam behind me, felt cozy and familiar. Treasures I hold onto in my memory.

Baby cries, so its time to end this post and head to bed.


Saturday, July 16, 2016

Baby Caleb - One Month One Day

I didn't rush this post. I wanted to feel it all, in the raw, and post when it felt right.

As the days turned into weeks, and weeks a month, I know the time is now, before I loose the thoughts and feelings as we step into the next stages of life with 6.

We had a day picked to induce, and I was determined to wait, I tried really hard too! He had tried to start labor several times, but I told myself not yet and I got busy. With play dates, and dessert dates with friends, keeping the house clean, and baking.

That last night, I was cranky, grumpy and super sore. My hips, my sciatica, my tummy, my skin, just everything hurt. Trying to bath/shower kids I cried out in pain a few times due to cramping and sciatica back/leg pain. I thought to myself, 'I'm so glad we are inducing on Sunday so this pain can be over. Just imagine if I went 10 days past that like the other boys,'

I went to bed, tired but glad and peaceful that there was a plan, and in just a few days I would meet my newest boy.

2:00am Wednesday morning (only 5 hours later!) I woke from a strange dream about water TO water. I lay there thinking 'could my water of broken? I must of peed strange...' I tried to convince myself I had just peed the bed, but I knew I hadn't.

It happened fast. Calling for help, the midwives, heading to the hospital, and getting settled. The contractions were getting more and more intense and this epidural was taking a long time.....

Finally we are all getting ready to do the epidural....I can hardly breath through contractions, they tried to talk to  me into pushing since it was clear to everyone I was ready, (except me!) but I insisted on the epidural. I felt so pushy, "PLEASE HURRY!" Finally it was in, but the contractions were on top of each other. The midwife says, 'Yep, he's right there.'

The same words I shouted during Sams birth 'Someone lift my leg!' 2 pushes. 2 pushes with all my power, the hurry and flurry of everyone in the room, and he was there. On my chest, purple, arms and hands out, reaching for me, and so so so tiny!!!

"Baby born at 4:59" the midwife was calling for help, since she hadn't had time to call anyone before.

I was happy to rest, hold him , and let everyone else there fuss. Fuss over his breathing, fuss over bleeding, clean up the mess, and deal with the paperwork. I just rested and watched and looked at him.

Finally they left the room and it was just us.

I'll never forget, the sun coming up over the mountain, streaming into that hospital birth room, making everything warm, and bright, and feel safe and good. Tucked up under warm flannel blankets, we snuggled together, me stroking his hands and hair and back, him nursing peacefully, and we both rested, drifting in and out of sleepiness. I studied his blond hair, and squinty eyes, and stork bites speckled across his brow.

Caleb Steptan joined us, fast and furious June 15, 2016. 8 days before my expected due date, and right on the midwifes expected due date. Perfect, and beautiful, weighing in at 8.7lb (my smallest baby).

We are adjusting to a family of 6. Everyone luvs their new brother, (even Sam, although not at first) takes turns holding him, changing him, rocking him, and helping me.

My heart is full and bursting with joy, hope and luv. Somehow, I'm not sure how, but Caleb makes the luv in my heart bigger, and I luv everyone even more then before.

I will post a picture everyday this week for the last month, but right now, I'm off to bed to snuggle that quickly growing baby!