This life I live, is the life I have been waiting for forever. Since I was a little girl, carrying the dolls, dressing up the cat, and pushing around a stroller. Babies babies babies. Kissing hubby goodbye in the morning, and raising the babies.
I didn't know then how amazing it would be! I thought it would be fun, but no idea it would be this fun! The laughter, the joy, the smiles, the feeling of accomplishment, the intensity of luv for all the people in my village of this life. This is amazing.
I didn't know then how hard this would be.
This post isn't about how terrible life is. It isn't. But sometimes it can be hard. I have tonnes and tonnes of post about the joys and smiles, but few about the though stuff. So here we go, digging deep, and in the end the constant reminder of the good.
Sometimes I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes, the dishes, laundry, and toys are piling up, and I can't seem to find a sane thought in my head. The kids fight with each other, with me, and seem to just plain stop listening. And those days are always topped off with a good row with hubby. Leaving me exhausted, discouraged, confused, hurt, and doubt filled.
Doubt filled. Not doubtful. I am filled to the top with doubt. That's when the thoughts like "What am I doing?" start to churn in my head. "I can't mother 5 kids, look at them fighting." "What am I teaching them?" "Where did they learn that from?" "I'm clearly the worlds worse wife ever!"
Fear. That I'm doing it all wrong, and making monsters instead of good happy people....
Those are the challenges of my life. The doubts that fill my head when we are having a tough day. Because everyone had tough days, right? Everyone has moments of doubt in those days, right?
I can almost see some of you nodding your heads.
This is life, right?
Yep. (More nodding?)
But these are my challenges.
There are always the moments of pure abundant blessings that spill over and make life the dream I've dreamed since childhood.
The blessings are simple.
Breakfast with my wee ones.
Raking leaves with my wee ones.
Samuel, content again, in a new Boba.
Good morning kiss, goodbye from hubby.
And with all the blessing, the doubts that filled my head are washed away, I throw up my arms thinking 'I must be doing something right!' and join them in the leaves.
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