Wednesday, March 10, 2010
My belly - aka baby - is growing, and labor day is coming. I remember feeling this way with Bryan too. The feeling of fear and dread as the day of labor approached. Why? Grace was my 1st true natural birth, and it hurt. As much as I want so badly to hold this baby in my arms, a phase keeps going through my head "What have you gotten yourself into?" I am definetly not ready, today, to go through the pain of childbirth to have that. Because that is what it is. Pain. I remember crying out, clutching my belly, and thinking an epidural with my legs up and my head on a pillow sleeping, sounded pretty good. I remember that feeling of thinking I couldn't go on another minute. I got crappy and snapped at the midwives and Goran and anyone else who dared to say anything to me. And then somewhere deep inside, I pulled from my pool of strength, all I had left in me, and did it. I took a deep breath, and faced my fear. It seemed only minutes from that decision that I felt that urge to push, knowing that soon it would be over.
I think this is the beauty of pregnancy. Because today, no, I'm in no way ready to go through labor. But in 10 weeks from now, another 5 lbs from now, and a bigger belly, contractions coming
and going for the last 4 weeks, I will somewhere along the line decide I am ready to go through labor to 1. have my baby in my arms instead of in my body, 2. to be able to touch my toes! 3. to just simply have my body back so I can breath again, 4. to be able to sleep again (although people forget they have a baby to be up for)
Yes, in the end pregnancy is aquard and exhausting. I have a hard time moving, eating, sleeping, and yes breathing. God planned pregnancy well, I think! Knowing in the beginning no woman wants to 'labor', but by the end, 9 months of growing and waiting, EVERY woman is ready to do it.
I am in the homestretch. Tired and crappy, but not quite ready yet...LOL. 29-30 weeks along. Baby is moving through out the day, and a nice reminder of days ahead of a baby in my arms :) Last week baby was head up...so fingers crossed for a head down baby next midwife visit, and that baby stays that way. Bryan kept us holding our breath till labor started as he flipped and flopped till 38 weeks.
That's it for now, I will post some more pics soon.
Posted by Kathryn at Wednesday, March 10, 2010