I Feel Like I'm Failing - At This Weight Loss Thing

It was about a month ago I posted about my weight. My desire to lose, and my plan. The month has had its ups and down. Some good weight in's and not so good. And now I've been sick for the past 3 days. I worry when I get sick. I worry about that 3 month long sinus infection I had 3 years ago. How sick I was, how hard everything was, how tired I was, how I went to the doctor over and over again...and got no where. How much time I wasted, and ended up at the reflexologist who finally got me on the right path...but it was really another 3 months later. Anyways, I worry I will get sick like that again. And what does this mommy do when she is sick and stressed out? Uh ha, I ate way way to much. So stepping on the scale this am, I am where I started when I made that post. My heart sank, and I had to get off that scale and make the number go away. I rushed through my shower, angry and upset with myself.

So I face weigh-in day. I battle whether I should go. Whether I can really see those numbers on the scale tonight. I think it would set me back, and depress me. I don't think its worth the hurt to step on that scale tonight. But the meeting would be great for me. The motivation, and encouragement I receive from the meetings are so worth it.

So my plan is to go. Go to my meeting, skip weigh in. Enjoy the meeting and come home refreshed and ready for a new week. That is what I will do.

Goran told me this morning, he was proud of me. He said something like this "I luv you no matter what, and you know if doesn't matter to me, but I admire your determination and your fight. I know you will do this."

And really, what other choice do I have? Accept my weight and be unhappy looking in the mirror, and avoiding camera's forever?

I won't accept that. I deserve better. This is a journey. This is one step to success.