Reading

Angelina can read so so well! Goran and I both stand in awe of what she can read, how fast she can read it, and how good she sounds. Sometimes, if we are really busy we ask her to read bedtime stories. And boy, can she read. The others sit nice and quiet so they can hear her. Hanging on every word she reads, waiting for the pages to turn. I can`t keep up with her! We get wacks of books from the library, and it seems only a week and she is asking for more. I`m careful about what she reads, and I have started to look into small chapter books I use to read when I was a girl.

Last night at bedtime we asked her to read. I threw my back out during the day, and Goran wanted to run out, and I needed to limp around and pick up the house. So the  3 big ones sat on the little arm chair, Angelina reading, the rest listening. Goran and I stopped in the door way, and listened. She read so well, he actually asked me if she was really reading the words, or making up her own. I smiled. I think he was surprised that with homeschooling she can read so well.

This morning was another one of those times I had asked her to step in and help. My back is much better, but I needed to catch up on so much, and we have 2 extra today. She happy lined them up on the couch,  

and she sat, legs crossed so lady like, reading, showing pictures, and shushing when she needed too :)

She is mine! And I am so happy she is mine! 

There is more to write, to tell, but my time in this little place on the web that is mine, is limited today. So I will say, this amazing baby is up and down the stairs, climbing off furniture, and on and off her little bike. We are on the verge of summer! The pool is up, filled and used daily.

That is all for now. I will make time tomorrow and update properly.

Tell me something one of you little ones did this week that made you proud!

Strawberries

We went strawberry picking yesterday. My littles and me. Yes, all 4! As we walked down the the strawberry rows, all single file, the smell of the wet straw, and fresh berries mingled, reminding me of years gone by, picking the sweet berries. We all squatted, or leaned over out there in the berry patch, pushing back the thick green growth of leaves, looking for the berries. Big ones, little ones, they seem to hang in bunches. They were all wet and with rain drops from the night before. They pop has you pluck them off the stems. I didn't realize that before, but is was a familiar sound to me, and made me smile as I plucked, and the berries popped.  It was great fun to watch the children at  their different ages. They stuffed their faces and sang a chanting song "Pick, pick, eat eat eat." The baby sat right in the middle of it all, stretching from her soggy spot on the ground looking through the thick foliage. Even she seemed to realize it was about the red juicy berries, begging to be picked and eaten.

honest - i had them pose for this one :)

single file, here we go

stretching and looking

look at what we did!

i luv these ones of mine

And to finish off, a picture with my littles and Farmer Tom. He owns the farm, and we go frequently through out the year, over the past 5 years, so he has watched my family grow, from 4 to 6! Each year showing up pregnant, or with a baby in a carrier! He chats with all of them but never remembers their names. He was a great sport for the photo, and the kids thought is was a hoot!

What have you been up to this week? Tell me about some fun adventures, or some great routines around the house.

Figuring Things Out

Sometimes you have to do that. I've had to do that lots in my life. My marriage when it was shiny and new and it seemed like a very bumpy ride I wasn't enjoying. My pregnancy's and births, as the first one I felt like it was a test I failed terribly, but I figured out what I needed and totally aced the other 3! My schedule has had to be revamped and rearranged, and reanalyzed with each new member that has been added to out family. So it is, sometime I need to figure things out when I find something is not working the way I think it should...

Not to go into to great a detail, but remembering this is a 'Mommy blog' (as they are called) I have to explain my absence over the past few days. I have only had a few monthly cycles since Klara's been born. (The wonders of extended breastfeeding!) But every one I've had, has knocked me off my ______(fill it in with the word you think best fits ;) I usually hit some all time emotional low in which I am crying, beside myself and everything is terrible no matter what.  That is followed with extreme exhaustion, which has me falling asleep all over the house. Napping, bed by 9pm, and sleeping as long as little one will allow. Usually somewhere in there Aunt Flow makes the grand entrance bring cramping and pain and such. Usually by day 3 I am feeling better, but Aunt Flow sticks around for 5 or 6 day...*sigh*

So last month I was thinking this was rather awful, but maybe my body was still figuring things out since I had only had few cycles since Klara's birth. Well this month the whole show started and I decided I needed to figure things out. I became a vegetarian 3 years ago, and wondering if my iron stores are low. As day 3 hits this month, and I am starting to feel better and my head is starting to clear from the fog or exhaustion,  I'm heading off to the natural health food store this week to see what they suggest, and if they have some guidance. I'm hoping that finding out what I'm missing will help the food cravings as well. As this whole weight thing has totally hit bottom again with the lows and highs of Aunt Flows visit. Its not even like cravings, its unstoppable...and someone standing in my way doesn't stand a chance. And, my husband and kids deserve a wife and mommy who's a wee bit more emotionally sound then I tend to get around that time.

So the last few days weren't terrible, but it seemed at the time to me that it was. Some thoughts, news, and pics to share.

Klara is working hard to go down the stairs. I have yet to get a picture, but she sits at the top and calls (aka-screams at) to me, and then I show her 'turning around' and then down she goes, slithering like a snake, making sure her head and belly touch each step on the way down.

We have a pool!! A 36inch deep, 12 feet across, pool, for free!!! I've been wanting one, Goran has been fighting it, so I have been putting off buying one. But the other day a friend puts up on facebook that she has a friend GIVING one away. Jumped on that. She was the sweetest woman I ever met. She dropped it off and it had everything! Pump, filter, cover, ladder, ect, even brought goggles and things her kids had used. Hoping to set it up in the next few days, and get some great pics of the kids swimming. My mom has even offered me a good sand filter, and bigger pump, so it will be easier to maintain. Thanx Mom!!

We celebrated Goran's Mom's birthday! She came and spent the night, and she had a big meal, celebrated with family, and had cake. Yum.

She is going to Serbia on Friday for a 5 week vacation. She's going to miss us she said, but I'm sure once she is there, she's going to have a great time with her sisters and brother, and nieces and nephews and cousins.

Angelina pulled out (or Daddy did...) her first TOP tooth. Because of this, the her Baka gave her $5.00 and her uncle gave her $5.00. She finally had enough money for the baby she's been saving for. So the next morning, off we walked to Zellers, and bought her and brought her home. So Angelina has Isabel, and Grace has Sweet Bell.

see the missing tooth?

And just because her Robeez clad feet are cute,

 Happy Wednesday!! Hope ur day is rock'n! 

What are you figuring out lately?

Sometimes....

Sometimes....

.....I just want to write about me.

I want to say I'm tired. I want to say, I hate when Goran is on afternoons. I'm glad he has a job. I'm appreciate that he works hard and provides everything for me and the kids, and I can stay home and homeschool, and hang laundry, and cook meals. I really am. I really really am. I wouldn't change any of that for anything (even straight days!)But the constant shift change, that lack of routine, and what to expect and when, is so so hard on the kids. Its hard on me. I don't like running around all day, trying to do everything for everyone, and being exhausted in the evenings, no patience for the kids, and then I can't sleep simply because Goran is not home. When Goran is on afternoons, we have no time to talk or connect, unless we let something very important go. And we are both angry afterward that we let that thing go, and then the other feels guilt. Of course. Where is the win/win here?

he is such a great person is so many ways, but when he's on afternoons, so many things get in the way, I forget that..

 I want to say thank you to each and everyone of you who support me, and help me through my life. Whether you are helping me in my mothering role, or my wife role, or just supporting the person I am so happy being right now and you are cheering me on. Each of my friends are amazing people. You are special to me. I have picked you as my friend, to be your friend, to help you, support you, and because you are worth it. I share something special with each and everyone of my friends, so thank you. Thank you for helping me by being who you are. You are amazing.

your value in my life is unexplainable

 I want to say, this weight thing is still hard. I thought about quitting a few weeks back, but picked it up and am at it again. And I ask my self, "Why? Why did you let yourself put on 50lb with Klara, why?" (Yes, you read that right) Because I did, and now its my problem. One step at a time. I've dedicated myself to a whole month, no going over points, and sticking to this. One week in and I stayed the same. *sigh* 

I want to say I luv my kids. They are amazing people, and they fill my heart with luv, and pain, and meaning, and reason. All the things that make life. All the things that make me feel alive. The good comes with the bad. I want to say, I don't think I hug you enough or say ' I luv you' enough. But I do. I luv you, each one of you with ever ounce and fiber of my being. And when I hold your tiny bodies against me, feel your breath on my check, or your hands clasp behind my neck, or hear your giggle in my ear, or smell the shampoo fresh in your hair, I get the lump in my throat, feeling all that luv in my heart. These tiny pieces of me walking around for the world to know and luv.  I want to protect you from danger, give you only the best, and see you grow and flourish into the amazing people you are becoming. 

I want to say, I'm not done having babies. I don't know when, because it doesn't feel right yet. Sometimes I'm afraid I will lose the opportunity. But I'm moving forward, trusting and believing that when its right I will know, and the opportunity will be there. I want to say, this is a bit scary for me.

I want to say I'm thankful. I'm thankful for where I am right now. Despite the resentment, fear, and fight I feel sometimes.

I want to say, I feel like I have been waiting my whole life to be right here where I am, right now.

I have been waiting my whole life to be right here where I am, right now. That is big.

Sometimes I need to stand back and remember. Remember how blessed I am. Everyone who is around me, is here for me, and supporting me, and in return I get the privilege of doing the same for them.

Life is good and I am blessed.

Sometimes I just need to write a blog post, and remember that.

Thanks for reading, and letting me remember through the writing.

Fixed and Finished, 2 Great "F" Words I Luv

I will begin in order.

• Fixed is my shower. Good bye bread bag that covered the soap dish hole! In its place is said soap dish from the previous post, glues on well, and has been properly caulked around to protect my tiles. 

• The drain. I forgot to tell this funny story....So a week and half ago I threw the kids in the shower, and ran outside to see how Goran was making out with our leaky van. We watch coolant flowing out of the engine and down the drive way. We decided were it was coming from and Goran promised to take it in the next day. Suddenly "BOOM BOOM BOOM" this resounding loud noise came from the shower...inside the house. Goran looked at me, "What the heck?" "Its the kids in the shower jumping, its OK..."I have never spoken such false words before. Goran went to the down stairs bathroom sometime later and found a puddle. Again I wrote it off as "Its OK..."(again I was very wrong) Later, just before bed I discovered another puddle in the same spot.....upon further investigation we found a broken drain pipe....But 2 days later (and 6 very smelly humans)Goran bought the new piping needed, and spent several hours cutting away the old stuff and putting in the new stuff. So it was fixed, and we got clean. There is some wall damage....but all things in good time. (And he also got the van fixed! So no more coolant leaking and stinking!)

• And finally, 'Finished'. My bench. I got it painted up yesterday, and took some pics with Grace. I noticed going through my pics, I have very few of Grace alone. She tends to be a bit camera shy or always jumping in with a crazy pose the last second, which drives me crazy. So I asked her today if I could take some pics of her on the new bench. She smiled quit shyly, and agreed, and then asked if  'Sweet Bell' could be in the picture too. (Sweet Bell is her real baby she got for her birthday. She carriers her around, changes diapers, nurses her, and co-sleeps with her. And she is 'real' Grace insists) I agreed, so following are a few pics of the bench, Grace, Sweet Bell and of course my baby.  

half primed

primed

painted bench, Grace and Sweet Bell

Grace and her baby

Add caption

Whats been fixed around your home recently?

Woo Hoo 1001

I have reached 1001 page views today!! I don't know who you are, I wish you'd leave me comments, but thank you! I enjoy writing, leaving my thoughts, and posting the pictures that express me and my life. I'm glad that you enjoy it.

Tonight

Tonight I settled into my chair with sweet baby in my arms. She pulled at my shirt, and 'squawked' like she does. I knew she was tired.

"Milk?" I asked her signing at the same time. She became impatient with me, and pulled all the harder.

A quick shift, pulling her close, and she sighed in satisfaction as she began to nurse. A few moments later, she smiled at me slyly, raised her hand, and signed milk. I laughed, and she grinned back at me. Suddenly she remembered the nursing, and resumed. She fingered my necklace, and a mole on my arm. I smelt her freshly washed hair, and ran my fingers through the silky curls.

Her eyes were growing droopy.

I rocked a bit, and watched as her body relaxed, and she rested so peacefully and trusting against mine. This moment, this slot in time, filed in that place in my mind under 'amazing'.

she is amazing

As I biked with the girls tonight, and watched their little legs working so hard to keep up, I am reminded how lucky I am. As I undid Bryan's trailer seat belt and briefly held in my arms to let him free, I remember the joyI have as a mother. Nurture, luv and watch.
I listened to the kids playing while I painted my bench, talking to each other, and laughing. Inventing some crazy game, about shopping, and seeing bugs..... The sun layed in scattered spots on the grass, Duke eager if any one of them came close enough for him to touch or follow, strained just a bit on his leash. The cooling breeze softly blew through the trees.

This is what memories are made of.

Life is good.