5 Days to Go - Head Down After it All

After a fitful night full of tears, and dread, and an early morning, I slumped into the car so Goran could drive me around the corner to the U/S place. My feet dragged up the steps. Each sandal slapping on the concrete stairs, sounding in my ears. It took me a few moments after the u/s tec. had begun the U/S to believe he was in the pelvis checking the size of baby's head. I was quiet.

Finally I said "Is that a head? Is the baby head down?"

'Yep, head down," as replied.

I turned my head and looked at Goran. Just looked. I felt like a deflating balloon. My heart stopped racing, I smiled, and my body relaxed. Goran knew Monday night already. He knew, and I doubted him. I believed the midwives over him. I feel bad now :( but I know he doesn't see it that way or hold it against me.

So I think the baby was transverse last week, but flipped, and that big bony bum has been in my ribs since about Sunday. And that big bony bum has fooled me, and the midwives, but the rest is what it is.

So today I will clean up the house, do my laundry, a bit of baking, relax and enjoy one more day of pregnancy - cause soon its over and I will miss the feeling of my baby in me :)

6 Days to Go - its been a long one

Bounced around from midwife to midwife, clinic to HP for a postnatal exam (?????) and finally pressured into a U/S tomorrow at 8:00am. My blood pressure was through the roof because I was so so so upset about being bounced around and ending up in a hospital, they need to check it tomorrow. I told them they can come to my house. I'm in no rush to go there. She thought the baby was breech, which is better then transverse, so no one is doing a transversion. My baby will come out. The u/s is to see if there a placenta problem...so they say, but I have little faith, and trust in 'them' right now. Goran still thought it was a head.

Contracting, and hoping this turns into the real thing and we have a baby by morning. That would be the best and easiest solution for me.

In the mean time, I am going to do dishes and tile a closet, and then see.

Its likely nothing, and will stop, and I will have to go u/s tomorrow and they will find some other problem that will then lead to something else. *sigh*...why did I let 'them' talk to me into a u/s anyways???

I will post tomorrow. Likely with u/s info, but hopefully baby info :) Wouldn't that be nice.

6 Days to Go - Part II

They have switched me to see my 3rd today. (My 2nd was at a birth all night) Someone I have never met. I called the secretary back explaining with the sensitive issue of the baby's position and that I was not comfortable seeing someone I didn't know, but she would not budge, saying this is really why they wanted me to come in today.

Now I'm upset and nervous about that, and the way my baby was laying last week. Grrr.....can't I ever win?

6 Days to Go - Midwife Apt Today

Explicit Content

Later today I get myself ready, and the 2 little ones' and head off to the midwives. I'm a bit nervous, but am quite hopeful too. I'll tell you why, and the is were the 'content' comes in. I have not had/allowed the midwives at this point to do a vag. exam. I'm hoping to avoid the coolness of it all together, until of course my pab. at my 6 week check up. I can't do vag. exams myself. Either my fingers are too short, or my belly is to big...I don't know. I have tried different positions ect but find it all very frustrating. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to check myself and know what my cervix is doing? To feel my baby's head moving from the inside? I can't, and it makes me a bit mad...but anyways so what do I do? I ask the dear love of my life to help me out. :) He did this during my pregnancy with Grace and Bryan, and then the midwives would confirm at my next apt what I already knew...LOL! He got quit good at it, and when I was in labor with Bryan he had checked...it was so funny to watch his face change into surprise, and after few moments he smiled, saying "The baby's head is right there, and I guess about 7 cm's." It was so wonderful finding out that news with him. The person I had made the baby with! Shortly after the midwives arrived and confirmed, what we already knew :)

So where does this lead to my hopefulness today? Last night I had him 'check'. He guessed a good 3, but had other great news. Again, it was so nice to see the smile spread across his face and a little shake of his head, "I feel the head, its right there."

I shot out with questions right away."How do you know? Are you sure? Its not a bum?"

"Noway! To hard to be a bum. I just know, that's a head," he smiled at me. "Good news hey?"

I was beaming I'm sure. All those crazy positions, and walking, seems they help? Or maybe baby had the intentions or doing it all the time, just wanted to make things exciting....LOL!

Later he said, "I'm not a midwife, or a doctor, so I could be wrong, but felt like a head to me."

He's always been right before, so I'm giving him some faith. And even if its a bum, at least this baby is not sitting transverse, so I can still push it out at home!

As I layed in bed this morning, thinking it all, I was feeling my tummy, I could feel kicks (?) on the left side, and I'm pretty sure I could follow a bum and back all the way down. :) So yes, good news for me.

I will post again after the midwives.

7 days to Go - Kicks, List of ?'s For Midwife

Definitely getting kicks on the left side up in my ribs. Hope this is means a head down baby...feeling pressure (from a head?) 'down there' and none of the weird pressure from one part sitting on each hip I had on Friday and Saturday. I'm hopeful today this will be another great home birth for me.

I wrote that this am. As the day has turned into evening I 'feel' kicks down there again and I think a big knobby head up near my belly button. Seems this baby still has lots of room to move!!

Here is my list I'm working on for the midwife.

1. What would you do?? if you were me, with my history, (G & B) and really believed in the end that my body and baby will do it, what would you do?
2. If I go with a transversion, can I go home without them breaking my water?
3. If not, how long can I wait for a transversion?
4. I don't want an epidural, is that a possibility? Because I want to go home and birth my baby.
5. Can/Will MW and hubby come with me for a transversion? (I won't go without those support people)
6. 'M' if we end up in hospital -NOT 'B'!!! One hospital is the one in the town I live in, the other is one town over. It might take a few extra minutes to get to 'M' - but 'B', they are knife happy, and the nurses are difficult, and NO ONE, I mean NO ONE I know who has gone in there has come out happy.
7. What drugs are my choice if I end up in c-section?

I want to make sure that my MW knows how I feel. I don't feel any support from them for my decision or 'choices' at this point. I feel like I am fighting them for what I know my body can do. I feel they should be empowering me, and supporting me, and continue to do that along the way. At this point, because I have had to fight them, I don't have much trust or faith in them. They seem to doubt their ability to help or even support me, and this is causing me to doubt them when it comes down to 'crunch' time. Are they really going to advocate for me if I end up in an ambulance/hospital, or are they going to let the Dr's and nurses take me and wave as they wheel me done the hall.

I think that's it. It might be a really hard discussion, but I think so so important if I am to get through this with them. They need to know how I feel, and be able to be what I need, and they can't do that if they don't know the 'mistake's' I feel they are making when it come to me.

Okay, going to submerse myself in a tub of water, and go to bed. I need to sleep and rest knowing this will be over long before I am ready for it :)

7 Days to Go - Pics Last Night

Belly Shots - So Close!!

I am so close to the end. 'Could be any day now', but I don't feel like that. I have decided for day to leave the worry for tomorrow. I am enjoying the movements - feeling my baby - which ever way he/she is lying right now. Which ever way it turns out to be 'over', when its done its done and I can't get this back.

So here are 2 belly shots - I have some 'risky' ones, but am a bit to shy to put them up :) I'm glad I have them for myself. I will develop them and put them in the baby's album.

In these shots I believe I am about 38 weeks and 6 days. My belly, I think, is bigger then ever before!! I wonder how big the baby is, and whether he/she is as big as the others, bigger or smaller. I can't say it feels different. I wonder ever so much whether I'm carrying a boy or girl.






Its looks like a misshapen beach ball in there!!! Can't wait to hold this baby :)

*sigh*

Soon.

I have a million ?'s for the midwife tomorrow. I will post them tonight and write them down so I don't forget, and write down her answers tomorrow.

8 Days - Angelina's Questions

I was making lunch for them today and Angelina has some questions for me. She has clearly heard me talking about the baby and how its lying, and what will happen. It was clear as we talked that she understood there was a problem.

"Mommy, how is your baby laying in your tummy?"

"Well on Tuesday when were at the midwives the baby was laying transverse." Pointing at my tummy I showed her what that means. "The baby's head is here and bum is here. Most baby's come out head first, but some come out bum first."

"How did I come out?"

"You came head first. So did Grace and Bryan."

"How will this baby come out?"

"Well, we don't really know. Either head first or bum first. But a transverse baby" - pointing to reminder her what that means - "sideways, can't come out. Those baby's get stuck, and then mommy would have to go to the hospital and have a c-section."

"I know what that is," she said - and actaully avoided eye contact with me - "that's when they cut you and take the baby out."

"Yes, that's right," I told her. "They would cut mommy here," I showered her low on my tummy, "and pull the baby out of my tummy. But we are really hoping that baby goes one way or the other, head or bum, so that doesn't happen. We just have to wait and see."

That seemed to satisfy her.

But it really is that simple, and I don't think there is much we can do at this point but wait. Like I have said over and over again....I will see on Tuesday and talk to the midwife more then. Just waiting really....the hardest part :)