Sunday Morning Bliss In Which I Blog About Camping

Its just me and a quiet house this morning. The houses sighs with contentment, and it is quiet enough that I can hear it.

I set my alarm this morning, so I could get up and just have some time to myself. Something that is scares, but something I crave at the same time. Peace. I didn't hesitate when the alarm went off. I turned it off, smiling at what lay before me. I'm a morning person. I like to greet the day, get things knocked off my list, and have some kind of breakfast ready and waiting for when my wee ones come wondering in to the kitchen, tossel haired, blurry eyed and  yawning a 'Good morning Mom."

But in the mean time this is my time.

I don't know where to start. The summer has been flying by and we have done so much. I promise myself every morning I will blog that night, but come time when the moon hangs high, and wee ones breath deep, I find myself craving my pillow.

Last week, no, its 2 weeks ago now, Goran began his vacation. We made it a good week with a few nights camping, and a trip to the zoo.


Goran is always busy. He works very hard to be sure the bills are paid, and house taken care off. Sometimes I feel sad that he doesn't have the time to sit and watch these wee ones of ours. Sometimes I'm sad we can't sit together and watch them.

But this week we did. 

It fills my hear to see them and watch them. Watch them interacting, and learning, and laughing, and playing. It filled my heart more to be able to do this will Goran by my side. To see him watching them. To be able to take the time to see them as they are right now. 

the belly grows....

'i'm as big as a giant!'

They luv this Pappa of theirs. He is perfect with no flaws in their eyes. His eyes twinkle at their jokes, and arms open wide to gather them all around him, on his lap.  

It was good to sit back and watch. Watch the luv between them. The luv that fills our hearts and keeps us strong as a family.

It was good. To be away, to be together, and watch.

As sunlight pours through my home, and the hands click on the clock, no breakfast awaits these wee ones that come to me rubbing their eyes with lopsided smiles. I am thankful for a very able bodied daughter that is happy to help make some toast.

Keep posted in the coming days! I feel a blogging streak!

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Inspired by SouleMama

 

.....finally...

Finally a few minutes for me! I'm sitting down here, tucked the wee ones in , taken out the trash all by 9:00 p.m. so I have awhole uninterrupted hour to blog before nodding off......wait....its 10:00 p.m.!!! Where did the last hour go?

This has been my week. Early mornings for a good run, late nights with friends with happy wee ones, and 1000 things in between. Every day I promise myself I will blog, and then I'm climbing into bed exhausted promising myself, 'tomorrow.'

I'm keeping it short, but hope this begins a good streak of blogging days to catch up for the last week gap!

Today we picked up this.

A steel for $260 off kijiji, with a beautiful buffet, and the table streches out with a leaf that makes if easy to fit 10 people around. Honest. I luv it. It will accommodate  my growing family for years to come. Its not perfect, at it was previously luved, so I'm not worried about wrecking it with the luv of small children. And I get to refinish the chairs in something I luv to make it mine! How great is that?

10 years ago (yes 10) I married this guy :)

How great is that? ( I have no roses to take a picture of this year....)

This past Sunday marks week 13, and our baby is now the size of a peach. How great is that? Time is going fast. Time to begin knitting!

That is all I have left. I'm hitting the hay, and hoping for a calmer tomorrow.

Its About the Journey

(I'm sorry for the crazy images. Its really the sound that matters, nothing else. And although it may look like strange body parts, I promise, its all appropriate!)

Last Monday my fears were ever present as we set off for the midwife. I was terrified there would be no little heart beat. I was on edge, nervous and emotional. The moment of truth and that little heart beat was so strong, I felt the tears pooling and blinked them away. The kids sat in awe, and Goran sat on chair the by the door with the 'I told you so look' in his eyes.

Everyone has tried to reassure me. But my heart was not as ease. I had not been able to embrace this pregnancy and the hope for a wee babe in February to hold. The fear, that voice in my head was constantly reminding me 'there are no guarantees'.

So, it was with reservation we left the midwives office. I smiled, and pretended to be relieved, but the voice was still there.

A dear friend came shortly after arriving home, arms open with a huge hug.

"Do you feel better?" She smiled.

"Yes.....but.....there are no guarantees right?"

There I said it. It was out there.

"No..." she agreed. "But its about the journey, right?"

That hit a cord.

Absolutely!

I realize this past week how afraid I've been.

I've been afraid to tell people I'm pregnant, because I don't want to tell them I've lost a baby, if that should happen.

As I have moved through the week, I've thought about this journey a lot. What do I want to remember from it? What do I want to be feeling?

I have changed paths. I have left the old one and skipped over to a new one. One with wonder, new things to learn, see and do, and full of all the people I luv to help me along the way.

So, instead of letting fear hold me, I have read everything about baby in the 12th week I can lay hands on. I have begun rubbing baby belly, and talking to this wee one. I have read by week 18 baby can hear! I recite  these things off to Goran, and tell him a new fact every day. Like by 13 weeks baby has finger prints!

I allow myself to dream of this soft baby head nestled in my neck and the sweet smell of new born baby. I look at baby clothes used once for the now big wee ones, and wonder whether we will welcome a baby boy or girl into our home. My wee ones and I are excited and we talk together about whether we will have a boy or a girl. 

This is the journey I'm choosing.

A Lime

We move through the steady flow of summer. Swimming, splash pads. picnics, library programs, and a new sandbox.
I rest, and nap, we watch a few extra movies. One day turns into another.

I deal with the joys of early pregnancy, and I try so hard to leave the worry behind but sometimes its really hard....

This week our baby is said to be the size of a lime.

i brought this lime home to show the kids how big baby is :)

Only a few know my fear and my heart. Goran kisses me and tells me it will all be ok.

I look forward to hearing this wee ones heart beat so very soon.

Teddy Bear Picnic

The library runs different programs for the kids during the summer. I checked them out and signed them up. Thankfully because of how the wee ones are spaced apart, I was able to get 2 kids in one program at a time.

Last week was Bryan and Klara's Teddy Bear Picnic. It was all a bit over Klara's head (although she did bring her teddy!) but Bryan was SO excited. He asked every day for a week.

"How many more sleeps?"

The day before the picnic he asked "So, 1 more sleep, but like, when tomorrow in the day? Like after breakfast or lunch...?"

I luv to see his perception of time developing.

The day of he dressed special and talked about it non-stop. He asked about bringing his blue bear, and asked again when we were leaving.

There was a chance of rain so they held it inside instead of outside. But, my boy, he was not disappointed.

There were Bears:

And songs:

 

And snacks:

He's still talking about it :)

Trying Again

I will try this post one more time. *Sigh*

My third attempt.

I had begun a lovely post about getting my space back. About how lonely and terrified I felt all those weeks I didn't post, and I am so glad to be able to write, and post pics of the wonderful things going on in our lives. I was gushing about how happy and thankful I am, for all the friends and family and support and luv we have received in the past few weeks, and for all the things I have been blessed with in my life.

Yes, I said I was terrified. Terrified of miscarriage. I suppose I chose to walk that path alone, as only a few knew, but at the same time it was path I had to walk. I had to go through all that, to come out in the end, knowing, knowing, I would be OK no matter what. And when I accepted that, it was so nice to share with close friends the news I had held tight to me.

And with the sharing came a sigh of relief. I had never been alone, because everyone was there all the time.

I have weeks of pictures to post, and will never get around to it all, but here is some.

Camping

getting up

breakfast

 
to the beach

beautiful girl

he made his first real friend

home

all tuckered out

<3 how she reads to him

  Our blessings are bountiful. I am ever thankful.

I will post about Bryan (and Klara's but mostly Bryan's) teddy bear picnic in the next few day.