Fleeting Moments

Last week I was done. Done being big, and awkward, and hurting, and tired. As the week progressed, I slowed down, rested more, stopped to just live in a moment a few more times, and it suddenly come to me, these moments are fleeting. Before I know it labor will begin, and I will say goodbye to this pregnancy, and welcome this babe into my arms, into our family, into our lives, and this part is gone forever. With this relaxation has come more slowing down, listening to my heart, and watching and feeling.

I savor those memories that I won`t be able to live over. Like, when Bryna and I read on the couch the other day and  he had on his hand on my belly and felt the baby kick. I`ll remember his smile forever. And those fleeting moments when Goran gets all sentimental, rubs my belly, talks to the baby, and kisses my belly <3>

and this. Klara giving baby a hug

The talking, and explaining and teaching. Answering the wee ones questions, knowing that living through this, they are learning more then any book can teach them.

Questions,

"Who's going to make breakfast after the baby comes?"

"Do I have to share a room with the baby if its a boy?"

"Who's going to come after the baby comes out?"

"Who's going to take us to the library?"

"How does the baby poop?"

"Does the baby eat the chocolate you're eating right now?"

"Is the baby hurting you mommy?" (this is followed after I make a grimace, and suck in my breath.)

And with all this my count down is coming to an end. I count down the loads of laundry I do between now and when babe arrives. How many more times I have to strip and wash bedding. How many more times I will lug the vacuum up and down the stairs, and pull it behind me making sure the house is tidy and ready.

I *think* I did a 'last' on Friday night. I went grocery shopping. Its hard at the end, but I enjoy the time away, by myself, picking out good things for my family to eat, for me to bake and cook. This Friday night, my friends have planned a special night just for me, and a local tattoo artist is going to come and do a henna design on my belly. So, Goran will go. I don't know if it was out while I realized, or just as I got home. It just makes me realize again, how close I am to the end of this pregnancy.

This pregnancy, this baby, that was longed for, planned for, and prayed for. Begged for! I begged God, and my body to do this. 'Just one last time, please!' I pleaded in my head. And the little line turned pink.....and in the blink of an eye I'm 9 months later.

Fleeting moments. Moments this momma is stopping to treasure, and hold close to my heart. I wonder how big my heart can get, because once this babe is here, there is new sets of memories to treasure and capture and keep in my heart.

I was given the chance of a free maternity photo shoot Saturday. It should be really amazing with the henna on my belly. Given this wee ones waits, just a bit longer ;)

Quiet Days - Waiting

During the fall we were busy. We had swimming and ballet and piano and gymnastics. I was a bit exhausted. Well quiet frankly by the time Christmas rolled around I was done. I think I slept most of the holidays....

So needless to say, when I was planning the January's schedule, there was a lot of limiting, discussing, informing, and  finally I did some deciding. They weren't all happy about things I decided, but I knew what I was capable off, and what I wasn't.

Grace ran through our week one day last week.

"Monday is chiro, Tuesday is a relaxing day, Wednesday is ballet and library, and Thursday and Friday are relaxing days...."

Yep, that about sums it up. But we do visits with friends in there, and have yet to have piano lesson thrown in the week (which has been hard between sickness in one house or the other.) And weekends are busy visiting Aunt Kristyn, or other family. There is never a lack of things to do, really.

So the 'relaxing' days, as Grace puts it, tend to be quiet. They are filled right now with catching up on laundry and housework, always trying to be a bit a head. Filling the freezer with our favorite healthy meals and snacks, and sometimes just reading a book or playing games. Just us together. Us together, waiting. Yes under it all, is this sense of waiting.

All the 'things' that are waiting, are a constant reminder, and the children ask often. Bryan use to ask "How many more months?" and then "How many more weeks?" and now it has come down to "How many more nights?" And although I don't have and exact date, I can give him how many nights I think it will be, right?

Along with the waiting, is the anticipation, and excitement. It feels good, to see the wee ones excited.

I think the car seat sat, for a week by the door.

Finally, on a night that wasn't to cold, I lugged it out there and undid, and re-buckled for 1/2 and hour before I was satisfied that everyone was in the right place and safely in the van. I put Bryan in the second seat with the infant seat, feeling a bit guilty honestly because is so excluded from the conversations from the girls and front, but was not prepared to listen to constant complaining and crying from anyone.

But the other night leaving Aunt Kristyn's I heard him say with pride, "I'm beside the baby!" 

As much as he downplays it all, is he excited too?

As I wait, I rub that tummy, and smile with each kick and turn and bump. I know, soon this a memory, one I miss, even though it kinda hurts, and I complain to much, and I'm anxious to meet this person.

So the socks, necklace, and diapers, given by friends with luv, wait.

I enjoy the quiet days, and the waiting. And I remind myself, soon.

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Inspired by SouleMama.

I Luv This Part....

I can hear the lyrics in my head, bouncing around as I move through these last few weeks of this pregnancy. I do. I luv this part. The excitement, anticipation, washing baby things, installing the car seat, even the aches and pains as my body prepares so perfectly to bring this tiny one earth side.

Walking around Walmart last night, having mild contractions that brought a tiny twinge to my back, I was reminded every very minutes what is coming. I was reminded of the life getting ready to join us, and the joy that will fill this home in that instant when we become 7.

I started this post last week, and now make the time to finish. Because being a momma of 4, things are busy.

So 2 nights ago I woke with the gasp as a contractions wrapped around my belly and into my back. I stumbled to the bathroom, my head reeling, clutching this enormous belly in front of me. Within minutes another contraction came. I shook my head, a bit confused honestly, and not quit believing this.

"Its to soon...its to soon..." the thought kept repeating in my head. Its not at all. 37 and 4 days now, its not too soon for babe to be considered full term.....but too soon for me! I have things I want to get done, things I need to do, and I need to be prepared! Mentally to give birth to this baby, I need to have time to get ready!

A third contraction grabbed at me, and I shook my head thinking "No, not yet, no...." and I waddled back to bed. I was thinking to myself, maybe if I just lay down, it would all go away.

A few hours later I woke to the sun coming in. Whew! I diverted it....

But since that night I've spent sometime thinking what exactly I diverted....what is it that scared me, yes scared me, so much?

In that moment in the bathroom the pain of labor grabbed me. The nausea, the sweets, and back ache, a bit shaky, the raw feeling as inside of me opens and  prepares for me to birth. In that moment I remembered the  helplessness of the journey I must take alone. Because of all the people that can support me, be here for me, hold my hand, rub my back, pour water over me, and smooth the hair from my face, I'm the only one who feels it, who does it, who births this little one.

Yes, the reward is great! When my body pushes one last time and I slip my hands under this baby and pull him/her to my chest, the reward is greater then any I have experienced. And in that instant it is all 100% worth the effects birth has on my body.

I've been reading a lot about the fear of childbirth, and the affects that simply fear can have. I'm reading and trying to understand. I know the more fearful I am, the more painful it will be.

I'm going to keep reading, and will share more thoughts as time goes on. I'm not sure where all this is at right now...

But I continue to luv this part. Waiting, the excitement, and anticipation of it all.....

And a funny story about the the title of this post.....

The song I was thinking of is actually called, "I :Love This Bar" (by Toby Keith). I sing along when it comes to this line and always sing, 'I love this part...' I often do that, tuning out the rest of the song and just singing the part I like. I was trying to find this song the other day, and text Goran, for help. He sent it back with something like "Yeah didn't think you'd like it as much if I told you the actual name of the song...lol". It does change the view of the song, and my it has nothing to do with luving this part of pregnancy.

But someone does need to come up with a song with catchy lyrics of "'Luv this part' and leaving it open ended so anyone could use it for ANYTHING!

I'll leave you with a pic I snapped last week of this ever growing belly....

I'll try to pop in tomorrow with a moment from the week!

Piss Baby?

Last week putting Klara to bed, I tuck her in, kiss her and pull away to look at her sweet tiny toddler face. Ringlets around her face, and the night light reflecting on her face making her look angelic.

She looks up at me with these searching eyes. I smile at her.

'Piss baby?" she whispers in a hushed voice.

I try to continue smiling and blink a few times.

"Sorry Hunny, you want another kiss?" I whisper back.

She moves her hand towards her tiny doll tucked in beside her, touches it so gently and says again,

"Piss baby?"

Now a real smiles spreads across my face. I kiss baby, and Klara one more time before leaving her to sleep.

Bryan and Numbers and Letters

I have to remind myself hes only 5. I have to remind myself he is not behind, but that Grace was very quick when it came to numbers and letters.

We struggle some days, at the table, and he whines about not want to do it. Sometimes I let him go figuring he is not ready, and homeschooling is a about meeting their needs. Watching and waiting for when they are ready, because when they are the results are better, quicker, and more rewarding for everyone. Sometimes I push, but that just results in a lot of frustration for everyone.

So back in December, with just Bryan and Klara one afternoon, imagine my surprise when he told me he wanted to write on the envelopes he was putting chocolates in for his sisters and dad.

Seize the day I did! And he was so proud, showing his dad as soon as he got home :)

As the new year begins, I promise myself I'll do simple things with him. Repetitive things, easy things, to get him thinking, get the mind working, but so he doesn't realize!

Simple, like calender ever day, (which he luves) and small words on the work whamer (leap frog toy).

But I remind myself to meet his need.. Figure out what he needs. Because he will do it, when hes ready.

The Big Question

The girls are putting on ballet slippers, in the playroom.

"How do you get a placenta in your tummy?" asks one.

With all the baby talk these day, this is a normal questions, right?

I think its also very normal that Grace and Angelina along with Klara have been pretending they are growing babies in their tummies too. (Right?)

"When you have a baby in your tummy your baby grows a placenta." Simple enough. End of convo.

Right?

No.

"I have eggs in my tummy, how do they turn into babies?"

EEK!! OH GOSH!! WHAT NOW???

"I don't feel like discussing this at the moment.Why don't you practice your ballet?"

 Several minutes later, they were busy and I have been saved for just a wee bit longer.