I Luv This Part....

I can hear the lyrics in my head, bouncing around as I move through these last few weeks of this pregnancy. I do. I luv this part. The excitement, anticipation, washing baby things, installing the car seat, even the aches and pains as my body prepares so perfectly to bring this tiny one earth side.

Walking around Walmart last night, having mild contractions that brought a tiny twinge to my back, I was reminded every very minutes what is coming. I was reminded of the life getting ready to join us, and the joy that will fill this home in that instant when we become 7.

I started this post last week, and now make the time to finish. Because being a momma of 4, things are busy.

So 2 nights ago I woke with the gasp as a contractions wrapped around my belly and into my back. I stumbled to the bathroom, my head reeling, clutching this enormous belly in front of me. Within minutes another contraction came. I shook my head, a bit confused honestly, and not quit believing this.

"Its to soon...its to soon..." the thought kept repeating in my head. Its not at all. 37 and 4 days now, its not too soon for babe to be considered full term.....but too soon for me! I have things I want to get done, things I need to do, and I need to be prepared! Mentally to give birth to this baby, I need to have time to get ready!

A third contraction grabbed at me, and I shook my head thinking "No, not yet, no...." and I waddled back to bed. I was thinking to myself, maybe if I just lay down, it would all go away.

A few hours later I woke to the sun coming in. Whew! I diverted it....

But since that night I've spent sometime thinking what exactly I diverted....what is it that scared me, yes scared me, so much?

In that moment in the bathroom the pain of labor grabbed me. The nausea, the sweets, and back ache, a bit shaky, the raw feeling as inside of me opens and  prepares for me to birth. In that moment I remembered the  helplessness of the journey I must take alone. Because of all the people that can support me, be here for me, hold my hand, rub my back, pour water over me, and smooth the hair from my face, I'm the only one who feels it, who does it, who births this little one.

Yes, the reward is great! When my body pushes one last time and I slip my hands under this baby and pull him/her to my chest, the reward is greater then any I have experienced. And in that instant it is all 100% worth the effects birth has on my body.

I've been reading a lot about the fear of childbirth, and the affects that simply fear can have. I'm reading and trying to understand. I know the more fearful I am, the more painful it will be.

I'm going to keep reading, and will share more thoughts as time goes on. I'm not sure where all this is at right now...

But I continue to luv this part. Waiting, the excitement, and anticipation of it all.....

And a funny story about the the title of this post.....

The song I was thinking of is actually called, "I :Love This Bar" (by Toby Keith). I sing along when it comes to this line and always sing, 'I love this part...' I often do that, tuning out the rest of the song and just singing the part I like. I was trying to find this song the other day, and text Goran, for help. He sent it back with something like "Yeah didn't think you'd like it as much if I told you the actual name of the song...lol". It does change the view of the song, and my it has nothing to do with luving this part of pregnancy.

But someone does need to come up with a song with catchy lyrics of "'Luv this part' and leaving it open ended so anyone could use it for ANYTHING!

I'll leave you with a pic I snapped last week of this ever growing belly....

I'll try to pop in tomorrow with a moment from the week!