Camping

A quick post from the camping site! One last camping trip for the year. I can feel fall in the air, as the night was cool, and u can see the leaves beginning to change. It feels good. I'm ready for cool days, warm sweaters, and a good hot cup of tea.
Nana has joined us, making it one trip the kids will never forget. With pancakes for breakfast and campfire stories.
It's good. This feeling of peace, so little distraction, watching the wee ones. Really listening and interacting with them. The biggest reason of all I Lub getting away :)

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Inspired by SouleMama

 

New and Old

I sat with 3 friends, and we listened, and shared and vented and supported. Like friends do. But I have to share more of this story. 2 friends were my peers. My age, with children my age, and involved with their families. One was our senor. By twice our age. At least.  Her sweet grandchild played among our children laughing and running and swimming. She didn't talk a whole lot. She listened and smiled and nodded.

At one point there was a pause and one of said peers asked my senor friend what she thought of our venting.

She laughed!

"It sounds so much the same as when I was young with a family at home. The struggles, and frustrations,the children, the husband, and the friends," she smiled at us. I imagine she was reminiscing to a time 40 years ago, an afternoon in a backyard yard just like we were today. Children playing and friends with iced teas sitting in a circle.

It got me thinking and then us talking how things don't change. Sure, technology changes, fads come and go, but the heart of life, the things that make us tic, the things that make us laugh,  and make us angry, and make us feel luved and hurt, they are the same. The are the same now, as they were 40 years ago, 400 years ago, and 4000 years ago. That is big! Gets one think'n.

About so many many things.

From my Friday memory, it was clear my Bob is gone.

It was strange. He was gone, and I thought it was OK. It had not been a surprise. And actually I was quit certain, when I got up that morning, it would be that day we say good-bye. But as the ritually of burying him, and talking with the wee ones kicked in, I must have I shut off how I felt. I kept saying "Its OK." And I thought it was. I thought I was feeling it all. I kept thinking how I missed him. Missed the bedtime cuddles, him purring to wake me in the morning, meowing for his supper, and laying on this growing belly.

It wasn't till Sunday night when the house was still and the family slept that the sadness washed over me. In waves. I flipped through the pics on my phone, and cried. Great big fat tears, that slid down the sides of my face, and when I rolled over, to the end of my nose and onto my pillow. I smothered it the best I could as Goran was sleeping, and I took shaky breaths to slow it all down. The feeling of sadness was there in the pit of my stomach, and I wanted nothing more then to lay my face in his soft side and hear him purr. And then, as I lay there in dark alone, longing to feel him against me right then, came the thought that always does, and everyone hates: I'll never feel his soft fur again. I will never hear him purr again. He will never meow for his supper again. He is gone. Forever.

Its not  OK. This sucks.

Some may think its just a cat and to get over it. Maybe some would get over it quicker. Maybe they wouldn't grieve at all. But Bob was with  me for 12 years. He was with me when I got married. He has laid on each of my pregnant belly's, and cuddled next to me while I nursed those tiny babies. He left my parents home with me and moved 5 more times. He was part of our family.

Klara still asks for "Bob Bob."  Sigh.

My heart will heal.

As we do some new things,

how'd he know that's how I spell it? a hot drink at chapers, and wee ones play'n!

and old things.

a good 5K with Duke

As big girls suddenly look so much bigger.

glasses which had her singing, "I can see, I can see!"

And wee girls say "Bluuuueeee cup!"

As I passed the 15 week mark and the 16 week mark comes closer, I feel this wee tiny babe kicking more and more. Sometimes I'm sitting still, and sometimes I stop in the middle of something to really see if that is what I think. Those flutters, tiny baby kicks. Every single time it makes me smile, and my heart turns to mush.

Baby Luv.

I have nick named this wee tiny one, Baby Luv. Before you roll your eyes, let me tell you why.

I have 4 wee ones, that are counting the weeks and days till they will meet this person. I have a hubby that rubs my belly and smiles when I tell him the baby is kicking. My heart is filled to the brim with joy and gratitude for this blessing. This wee tiny one, is coming into a home that is filled with so much  luv for him or her, he or she is our Baby Luv.

Tell me, are you still rolling your eyes?

For Baby Luv, who's the size of a navel orange this week.

we luv u Baby Luv!

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. Asingle photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple,special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor andremember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Inspired by SouleMama

RIP Bob. luv all of us.

 

A Trip To the Zoo

We augured about the zoo a few years ago. Goran said it was unkind and inhuman to the animals. I augured that they were taken care of and fed and safe.

After 2 visits in 2 years, I have to say I'm not a big fan.

It was so neat to be so close to those animals.

The tiger blinked at us from behind the glass. I'm sure he wondered what we would taste like.

white lions!

The polar bear sleeping, with his giant paws turned up so we could see the pads underneath.

The long necked giraffes with their long purple tongues.

The elephants were huge.

But as we walked through, got sore feet, were thirsty and began getting cranky, Goran remained upbeat and cheerful. He took turns holding hands, or lifting up small ones to see big things. He pushed the stroller for me, and dug through the basket to get some pics. 

my fav from the day

It was a good day. I luved being with the family.

But if I could, I'd set all the animals free!

Weekend Highlight

Family reunions where a big part of my childhood. I remember, every civiv holiday Monday getting up excited, the cooler being packed with burgers, cans of coke, hot dogs, and all the fixings.I remember loading into the car and off we'd go. A certain comfort in knowing, from all of the country side, others were getting into their cars to meet us at that pavilion at the same park we hard gathered since before I was born.

Since cousins got married and the family has grown, the picnics have become scattered over the years and there have been less and less and less. Since it was something I always looked forward too, I've missed it. I miss seeing the cousins, small ones running to and fro, old ones sitting with their coffees talking in Dutch, the stilts, the smell of the grill in the open air, and that feeling I would get every year. That feeling that my family was really huge! And that with all that family came amazing help and support, that was always there should I need it.

So when the notice came for this years picnic I didn't really hesitate. I luv the idea of my wee ones experiencing the things I did as child. So the cooler was packed with burgers and water (things have changed) and although I had to convince Goran to go, by 8:30 a.m. we were all in the van, on our way.

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Preparing With Grace

Grace is my little momma. She luves to hold the babies, whether they be sleeping, or smiling, or crying at the top of their lungs. I remember she was holding cousin Zachary as baby, and he was wailing his wee head off. I assumed she would be uncomfortable?

"Grace, do you want me to take him for you?"

Shakes her head. "No, I'm OK."

I also remember seconds later Aunt Kristyn scooping up sad baby and promising when he was settled she could have another turn.

The is my Gracey. All the other kids will be playing, and she will be with the momma's either longingly watching the baby's, or in quiet corner holding and rocking a baby.

I foresee a fight on my hands when this wee family members joins us. I will have to fight just to hold that babe! But it is also reassuring to know, if my hands are busy preparing a meal, or helping with math or folding a load of laundry, another set of arms always wait to hold and luv this baby.

In the mean time, as tiny baby things fill the empty crib beside my bed, Grace is ever watching the bags of baby things that come into the house.

Her hands so loving touch and fold each item.

Which one is your favorite Momma?

I like this one because its so soft.

This one is so tiny Momma, will if really fit the baby?

I assure her it will.

As I am more certain each passing day of tiny movements inside me, my excitement grows. To catch this wee one, hold this wee one, nurse this wee one, and watch him/her grow. And as much as I'm excited for those things, I'm equally excited to see my other wee ones luv this new person.

In the mean time I feel so blessed to have someone to prepare with.