Weekend Highlight

Family reunions where a big part of my childhood. I remember, every civiv holiday Monday getting up excited, the cooler being packed with burgers, cans of coke, hot dogs, and all the fixings.I remember loading into the car and off we'd go. A certain comfort in knowing, from all of the country side, others were getting into their cars to meet us at that pavilion at the same park we hard gathered since before I was born.

Since cousins got married and the family has grown, the picnics have become scattered over the years and there have been less and less and less. Since it was something I always looked forward too, I've missed it. I miss seeing the cousins, small ones running to and fro, old ones sitting with their coffees talking in Dutch, the stilts, the smell of the grill in the open air, and that feeling I would get every year. That feeling that my family was really huge! And that with all that family came amazing help and support, that was always there should I need it.

So when the notice came for this years picnic I didn't really hesitate. I luv the idea of my wee ones experiencing the things I did as child. So the cooler was packed with burgers and water (things have changed) and although I had to convince Goran to go, by 8:30 a.m. we were all in the van, on our way.

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Preparing With Grace

Grace is my little momma. She luves to hold the babies, whether they be sleeping, or smiling, or crying at the top of their lungs. I remember she was holding cousin Zachary as baby, and he was wailing his wee head off. I assumed she would be uncomfortable?

"Grace, do you want me to take him for you?"

Shakes her head. "No, I'm OK."

I also remember seconds later Aunt Kristyn scooping up sad baby and promising when he was settled she could have another turn.

The is my Gracey. All the other kids will be playing, and she will be with the momma's either longingly watching the baby's, or in quiet corner holding and rocking a baby.

I foresee a fight on my hands when this wee family members joins us. I will have to fight just to hold that babe! But it is also reassuring to know, if my hands are busy preparing a meal, or helping with math or folding a load of laundry, another set of arms always wait to hold and luv this baby.

In the mean time, as tiny baby things fill the empty crib beside my bed, Grace is ever watching the bags of baby things that come into the house.

Her hands so loving touch and fold each item.

Which one is your favorite Momma?

I like this one because its so soft.

This one is so tiny Momma, will if really fit the baby?

I assure her it will.

As I am more certain each passing day of tiny movements inside me, my excitement grows. To catch this wee one, hold this wee one, nurse this wee one, and watch him/her grow. And as much as I'm excited for those things, I'm equally excited to see my other wee ones luv this new person.

In the mean time I feel so blessed to have someone to prepare with.

14 Weeks

I've blogged these lines before, but it does not matter how many pregnancy's I have, it such a miracle to me. Every week I read about what is happening inside my body. I read about finger prints, and flexing fingers, and  internal organs working, and hiccups.

It amazes me. Every. Single. Time.

By week 14 baby is as big as a lemon, or 3 1/2 inches long. My baby might be sucking his/her thumb! Baby is beginning to grow ultra fine downy covering called lanugo all over his/her body. Kidneys are beginning to work along with the liver and spleen.

I stand in amazement that I get the privilege of this miracle again.

Sunday Morning Bliss In Which I Blog About Camping

Its just me and a quiet house this morning. The houses sighs with contentment, and it is quiet enough that I can hear it.

I set my alarm this morning, so I could get up and just have some time to myself. Something that is scares, but something I crave at the same time. Peace. I didn't hesitate when the alarm went off. I turned it off, smiling at what lay before me. I'm a morning person. I like to greet the day, get things knocked off my list, and have some kind of breakfast ready and waiting for when my wee ones come wondering in to the kitchen, tossel haired, blurry eyed and  yawning a 'Good morning Mom."

But in the mean time this is my time.

I don't know where to start. The summer has been flying by and we have done so much. I promise myself every morning I will blog that night, but come time when the moon hangs high, and wee ones breath deep, I find myself craving my pillow.

Last week, no, its 2 weeks ago now, Goran began his vacation. We made it a good week with a few nights camping, and a trip to the zoo.


Goran is always busy. He works very hard to be sure the bills are paid, and house taken care off. Sometimes I feel sad that he doesn't have the time to sit and watch these wee ones of ours. Sometimes I'm sad we can't sit together and watch them.

But this week we did. 

It fills my hear to see them and watch them. Watch them interacting, and learning, and laughing, and playing. It filled my heart more to be able to do this will Goran by my side. To see him watching them. To be able to take the time to see them as they are right now. 

the belly grows....

'i'm as big as a giant!'

They luv this Pappa of theirs. He is perfect with no flaws in their eyes. His eyes twinkle at their jokes, and arms open wide to gather them all around him, on his lap.  

It was good to sit back and watch. Watch the luv between them. The luv that fills our hearts and keeps us strong as a family.

It was good. To be away, to be together, and watch.

As sunlight pours through my home, and the hands click on the clock, no breakfast awaits these wee ones that come to me rubbing their eyes with lopsided smiles. I am thankful for a very able bodied daughter that is happy to help make some toast.

Keep posted in the coming days! I feel a blogging streak!

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Inspired by SouleMama

 

.....finally...

Finally a few minutes for me! I'm sitting down here, tucked the wee ones in , taken out the trash all by 9:00 p.m. so I have awhole uninterrupted hour to blog before nodding off......wait....its 10:00 p.m.!!! Where did the last hour go?

This has been my week. Early mornings for a good run, late nights with friends with happy wee ones, and 1000 things in between. Every day I promise myself I will blog, and then I'm climbing into bed exhausted promising myself, 'tomorrow.'

I'm keeping it short, but hope this begins a good streak of blogging days to catch up for the last week gap!

Today we picked up this.

A steel for $260 off kijiji, with a beautiful buffet, and the table streches out with a leaf that makes if easy to fit 10 people around. Honest. I luv it. It will accommodate  my growing family for years to come. Its not perfect, at it was previously luved, so I'm not worried about wrecking it with the luv of small children. And I get to refinish the chairs in something I luv to make it mine! How great is that?

10 years ago (yes 10) I married this guy :)

How great is that? ( I have no roses to take a picture of this year....)

This past Sunday marks week 13, and our baby is now the size of a peach. How great is that? Time is going fast. Time to begin knitting!

That is all I have left. I'm hitting the hay, and hoping for a calmer tomorrow.

Its About the Journey

(I'm sorry for the crazy images. Its really the sound that matters, nothing else. And although it may look like strange body parts, I promise, its all appropriate!)

Last Monday my fears were ever present as we set off for the midwife. I was terrified there would be no little heart beat. I was on edge, nervous and emotional. The moment of truth and that little heart beat was so strong, I felt the tears pooling and blinked them away. The kids sat in awe, and Goran sat on chair the by the door with the 'I told you so look' in his eyes.

Everyone has tried to reassure me. But my heart was not as ease. I had not been able to embrace this pregnancy and the hope for a wee babe in February to hold. The fear, that voice in my head was constantly reminding me 'there are no guarantees'.

So, it was with reservation we left the midwives office. I smiled, and pretended to be relieved, but the voice was still there.

A dear friend came shortly after arriving home, arms open with a huge hug.

"Do you feel better?" She smiled.

"Yes.....but.....there are no guarantees right?"

There I said it. It was out there.

"No..." she agreed. "But its about the journey, right?"

That hit a cord.

Absolutely!

I realize this past week how afraid I've been.

I've been afraid to tell people I'm pregnant, because I don't want to tell them I've lost a baby, if that should happen.

As I have moved through the week, I've thought about this journey a lot. What do I want to remember from it? What do I want to be feeling?

I have changed paths. I have left the old one and skipped over to a new one. One with wonder, new things to learn, see and do, and full of all the people I luv to help me along the way.

So, instead of letting fear hold me, I have read everything about baby in the 12th week I can lay hands on. I have begun rubbing baby belly, and talking to this wee one. I have read by week 18 baby can hear! I recite  these things off to Goran, and tell him a new fact every day. Like by 13 weeks baby has finger prints!

I allow myself to dream of this soft baby head nestled in my neck and the sweet smell of new born baby. I look at baby clothes used once for the now big wee ones, and wonder whether we will welcome a baby boy or girl into our home. My wee ones and I are excited and we talk together about whether we will have a boy or a girl. 

This is the journey I'm choosing.