The Value of Time

I've sat and watched this weekend. Watched them grow. Samuel played with his cousin Kurtis. They got apples out of the fridge and sat in the windowsill munching away.  Angelina, like a preteen, hung out with a friend. Bryan planned to play hockey with Zach and Daddy, and counted down days and hours till the time arrived, helped to pack up the luggage and happily headed to the rink with his 'team mates'. Grace and her cousin, laughed and giggled in their play, and helped clean up the kitchen after supper. Klara talked up a storm, shared stories, and had a lot of those "Remember that time.." moments as she reflected on life.

Today at church Samuel sat on my friends lap, and they shared some pie together. I stood mesmerized, as he tried to feed her and missed and she laughed, the kind of genuine laugh that makes your whole body shake. This set Samuel giggling, the kind of giggle that made his eyes squint and his body wiggling with joy. In that moment all I could think of was how short time was. How I take it for granted, and think I have all the time in the world, but these baby's of mine are growing up right before my eyes, and fast.

Grace carted cousin Kurtis around, on her hip, helping him eat, changing his diaper, and helping bath and dress him this morning. She is a little mommy. Growing into this role of helping and filling the gaps.

After church its s scramble for coats. Helping stuff arms in arm holes, zip zippers, and find the right hats and mitts. Someone always waits, while I help someone else, or someone will help the waiting one. Today as I finished with my own and turned to help a wee one, I saw two elderly ladies helping Samuel. They joked and teased each other about not doing it right, about Samuel not putting his arm in right, and finally both laughed when his fingers came through the sleeve. They both agree to leave the zipper to me!

I was struck again by this realization how short it is. This time. These days. How quick they grow, how much fun they are, and how much I'll miss this when they are grown.

Kurtis had his 1st sleep over. 

I'm honestly racked with guilt for the wasted time. Time trying to change things I can't. So busy trying to change things, I've neglected the things that mean the most. 

I feel a different kind of change. The stretching and nudging of the conscience telling me its time to move forward. Leave the past behind, hang on to the promise of peace, and joy, and the simple life of being. The wheels continue to be in motion, as spring brings the promise of new hope.