1 piture

Here is the one picture I have of Angelina the very first time she went with Goran, just to watch and see what it was like. As you can see she got a chance to sit in the chair. Lets say for records sake, she was 5 when this picture was take :)

I'm not quit sure how to get the other picture on the computer (it has to be scanned on first and I have no clue how that's done)when I have that crazy bear with the huge teeth on the computer ...don't worry I will put it up for you all to see....and you'll see what I mean!

A Trip to the Dentist

Angelina had her first official visit to the dentist! I had to blog because of what she did this morning...it was so cute!

A few months ago Goran took her with him so she could see a cleaning and sit in the chair. We have a cute picture I will post. (Its Goran's job to do the dentist.....they freak me out) Yesterday she went for a check up and cleaning(I guess because I'm not exactly sure what they do). She came home quit excited about her new tooth brush(a princess one), sparkling white teeth, and a picture of herself in the chair with this funny looking teddy bear with huge teeth. (The practice bear?) She was perfect, and had perfect teeth.

This morning the bathroom door was shut, and I couldn't find the girls. Humm...I had better investigate I thought to myself. And upon investigating I found Angelina diligently brushing those pearly whites, give Grace a lesson on brushing her teeth. It was very cute, and I let her proceed...but I tell you, she was in there so long, its a wonder she didn't brush them away!!

I will post the pics later today.

The End of the First Day

Not bad for the first day of really trying. He had a pee and a poop in his undies after supper, but other than that has done well. He wouldn't pee after snack, so I asked him if he wanted to wear a diaper to the park. He nodded yes (which is soooo super cute when he does. He stops and stands really still, and then he will nod is head up and down very seriously, but just once) So he did. He came home drenched (ofcourse) but after lunch did a pee and a poop. But suddenly I couldn't find his undies. I asked him where they were but he just kept pointing in any general direction and jabbering something at me. (I later found them in the garbage...is he trying to tell me something?) So he put some Tiger's on and went for a nap. After nap he refused potty again, but I told him no peeing on Tiger. We went outside for a walk, and came in an hour later. This time I put him on the potty, despite his refusal, and he did pee! Yeah Bryan! This is were things got yucky...after supper he pooped his pants (my fault, I should have known) and then shortly after peed his pants. But from then on he was dry. He actually feel asleep nursing and is in bed now sleeping.

So he had twice as many positives as negatives, and he did communicate his desires to me...if not in words, then actions. I am proud of the little man. I know he can do it. And tomorrow is a new day with no pees or poops...yet:)

The Potty Business the Third time Around

I am doing the 'potty training' thing again. Bryan's turn this time. Yes he's young. All of mine have been young, and done long before the age of 2. I hadn't planned to do him this early, but he seems so receptive, and he doens't like the diapers. And I'm sorry, but I don't understand the people who change a 3 1/2 year olds poopy diaper. Grooossssss!

For the last few months its been a process. First just sitting. Lots of cheering and clapping, "Yeah Bryan,". Then one time he while sitting he poop. More clapping and cheering, a bye bye poopy song, and flush. Eventually it became a twice a day thing. Sometimes he wants to go and play in the back yard. He cries with frustration, and jabbers at me in an angry voice. And then with the pooping he was peeing too. More clapping and cheering, and a sticker on his hand. He loves those. Last week I bought him some big boy undies. Tiger and trucks. He likes those. He points and jabbers at them. He can say a sloppy version on Tiger, and trucks, and will go and get them from is room. We did some 'practicing' last week. During nap time, and he was waking up dry. One day he refused to pee after nap time, and peed once he was in him high chair. Yuck. On went the diapers. Yesterday I was leaving for a bit so I put a diaper on him, but he was pointing at it and again talking angry at me. "Don't you like the diaper?" I asked him. He shook his little head and said, "No," very clearly.
"Well, then you need to pee on the potty and no diapers," I told him. He was thoughtful about that.

At this point I think he gets the 'holding' the pee pee part, just not the 'letting go' part. We will keep working on it. Today we start the day in trucks. Lets see how far we get:)

Gardening

We are gardening with my mom and dad this year. We will eat from the garden all summer and into the winter. Fresh, home grown food veggies...yumm!

Yesterday we went and did some planting. It was heart warming to watch the girls put the tomato plants in the holes and cover them up so gently; their little hands patting the dirt around the stem. Each time they got out of the garden, they sat down and took their Crocks off and shook them out. Only to come back in and do it all again:) We planted carrots, cucumbers, and peppers. We thinned out and replanted lettuce, and weeded the peas and some other lettuces. Bryan squatted in the dirt and dug for sticks and rocks. He would 'help' me for a bit then jibber jabber something in his language at me, and head off towards to Goran and do the same to him. The girls eventually got board of this planting stuff and headed off to the swings and the sandbox. Bryan eventually followed off after them.

When we had finished for the day we headed over to the pool deck to clean up our feet and Crocks. The 3 little ones were not board of that! Up they climbed, and slid their little feet into the cool clean water. Then one by one they ended up undressed, dipping into the pool. The trust they have in us was so sweet and innocent. They went to Goran and I in turn, and we held their hands and lowered them into the water. They all laughed and giggled, with glee and delight.

On the way home I held my husbands hand. I couldn't of asked for a better day!

Steps Forward

The last year I have lived a nightmare. Someone I grew up with, someone I looked up to, someone I trusted, had done the unthinkable. Something I feared for each of my children. When the secret came out, it was like a tone of bricks on my chest. I looked at my friends differently. I wondered who I could trust. I wondered who was living a lie. I held my children closer, and dug my heals in when people suggested leaving them for an hour, a day, or overnight. Anyone who offered to take care of them, I looked at with suspicion. Who could I trust? If not this upstanding person in the community, a youth pastor, then who? I didn't leave them for months. I was so fearful. Angelina was 4 going on 5. I had to put her in school. My breath would catch in throat with fear. My eyes would fill up with tears every time I thought of enrolling her in school. I would picture the 'dangers' at school, on the way to school, waiting behind every corner. I was panicked. It took months to get through the panic. I hardly let them out of my sight. A good neighbor helped in ways she doesn't even know. I asked her if she would drive Angelina to school everyday, ("I will pay you!"I promised her) for me. She agreed. I was shocked, overjoyed, elated. This was one step. She would be safe. I met Angelina's teacher. Another step. Angelina went for orientation, another step. The first day of school was hard. Every step there, my footsteps thundered in my ears. Angelina skipping along, me dragging my feet. I argued with Goran on the way home. I kept saying 'homeschooling', still so fearful. I was mad. Not at him. At my fear. But I took it out on him. The first day ended, and she came home safe. One day behind me. One day turned into two, and then three and now we are almost at the end of school year

And then Victoria happen. My worse nightmare brought back to reality. Where I grew up. I prayed daily for that little girl. I cried thinking of her suffering, and hoping she was safe. My heart hurt for her mother. As messed up as people say she is, a mother hurts when her child goes missing. And then the unthinkable again. Arrests have been made. They believe she is dead. They are looking for her. My heart aches. Tears are always sitting so close to the surface. People say they are 'more grateful' for their children now, and hug them tighter. I don't understand that. More? You were less before? Before you didn't realize what a gift they were, and now you do?

We are almost at the end of the school year and we've made it. I recently turned down a birthday party Angelina was invited too. Angelina cried and cried. She was so sad. At first I told her that we were busy. But after I thought about it I decided to lay out the facts for her. I reminded her how we don't talk to strangers, or go in their houses. She was nodding, she understood that. So I asked her, "Does mommy know Sally(name has been changed) or her mommy?" She shook her head no. "Why would mommy let you go to a strangers house?" It was like a little light went on. She understood that. "OK mom," she said. This past week she was invited to another party. She was quit excited. I had met the little boy before. I knew his grandma and grandpa, and it was a community center, so I was invited to stay as well. This one I agreed too. Another step.

But I am always afraid. Afraid because I know its not the creepy guy who lives down the street looking out his windows, or the homeless guy sleeping on the park bench. Its the friendly neighbor, or my best friends husband, or the youth pastor at the church, and/or that upstanding person in community. Afraid, because if something happened to one of them, I would never forgive myself.

So now I teach them about safety. As much as they understand. I teach them to stay off the road and hold hands with a grown up when crossing the street. I tell them not to talk to strangers and don't ever go any where with anyone, unless I've said it was OK. I teach them about privacy, and respecting their bodies. I teach them to love each other, and watch out for each other. I pray daily. I pray that God will give me the courage to keep them safe, and the wisdom to make the right choices. And sometimes I just hug them and hold onto them for dear life!

Today we went to a birthday party. She had a great time. She laughed and smiled and played with her friends.

Another step.

The End of March

Time goes by quickly for me right now. 3 little ones under foot most of the time, and often 3-4 little friends to go with it. The days are very similar. Blurring together, one after another. But they are good. My girls play together and tease each other. Sometimes laughing, sometimes crying. Bryan is always amongst them. Never to be left out or left behind. He runs after them now. Down the hall, into the back yard, or along the side walk. Soon he will be running beside them, not behind them.

They are all growing so fast.
Angelina skips off to school after a goodbye kiss. Her new favorite book tucked in her backpack along with a healthy lunch packed by mom. She comes in a whirl at the end of the day. Excited to hang her new art on the fridge. She talks so fast, telling me about what she played that day, what her teacher told her, and only stopping for a second to ask "Whats for snack?" As I tuck the blankets under her chin each night her question is always the same, "What are we doing tomorrow?"
Gracey takes some time to get up each day. She's often the last one up, but sometimes the first to peep in the bathroom door as I finish getting ready for the day. There she stands, her hand above her eyes blocking the bright bathroom light, her soother wiggling in her mouth. "Hi Mommy," she smiles at me. She is always testing me. She waits for me to ask her things 3-4 times. A new thing she says now is, "Don't tell me two times!" She says it loudly, and always sounds so exasperated. I respond with, "Then do it the 1st time!" She loves crafts, and stories. Every time I sit down she is crawling into my lap with a book in her hand. I tuck her into bed at night with a soother in her hand, a soother in her mouth, and her water bottle on her bedside table. After I kiss her forehead and turn off the light she whispers into the dark "Goodnight Mommy."
Bryan is busy growing and learning. He is really starting to eat well. I've had to strap him into his highchair, but he will sit and eat now for half and hour, no complaints. He likes oatmeal, fruit loops, toast with PB and honey, stir fry, sloppy joes, soup soup soup, and slightly cooked veggies. He is the first one at the craft table when its craft time! He loves the coloring with the markers, and gluing with the glue. We made lambs just the other day for "out like a lamb" and he made one! He loved it! Standing on the bench, jibber jabbering at me, pressing the cotton on the paper, and then picking it off his sticky fingers. Once bed times comes around for him, we snuggle down together on his bed, and he settles down, belly down beside me. He has this habit of sticking his hand up my shirt and resting in on my belly. I watch as he turns his head side to side, talking baby talk, winding down. He lays still, and his eyes begin to flutter. Pop! He opens them again, looks at me, and smiles. They flutter closed again, and his breathing becomes rhythmic, and I know he's sleeping. Resting, getting ready for tomorrow...

Its busy. "Never a dull moment" so the saying goes. But would I change it? No. They are wonderful and beautiful. My house is filled with love and laughter. Someone is always learning something new. Their eyes are twinkling, and lips are smiling.
If you ask me (most times) its like a little piece of Heaven, right here in my living room!