Its Growing - Its Coming

My belly - aka baby - is growing, and labor day is coming. I remember feeling this way with Bryan too. The feeling of fear and dread as the day of labor approached. Why? Grace was my 1st true natural birth, and it hurt. As much as I want so badly to hold this baby in my arms, a phase keeps going through my head "What have you gotten yourself into?" I am definetly not ready, today, to go through the pain of childbirth to have that. Because that is what it is. Pain. I remember crying out, clutching my belly, and thinking an epidural with my legs up and my head on a pillow sleeping, sounded pretty good. I remember that feeling of thinking I couldn't go on another minute. I got crappy and snapped at the midwives and Goran and anyone else who dared to say anything to me. And then somewhere deep inside, I pulled from my pool of strength, all I had left in me, and did it. I took a deep breath, and faced my fear. It seemed only minutes from that decision that I felt that urge to push, knowing that soon it would be over.

I think this is the beauty of pregnancy. Because today, no, I'm in no way ready to go through labor. But in 10 weeks from now, another 5 lbs from now, and a bigger belly, contractions coming

and going for the last 4 weeks, I will somewhere along the line decide I am ready to go through labor to 1. have my baby in my arms instead of in my body, 2. to be able to touch my toes! 3. to just simply have my body back so I can breath again, 4. to be able to sleep again (although people forget they have a baby to be up for)

Yes, in the end pregnancy is aquard and exhausting. I have a hard time moving, eating, sleeping, and yes breathing. God planned pregnancy well, I think! Knowing in the beginning no woman wants to 'labor', but by the end, 9 months of growing and waiting, EVERY woman is ready to do it.

I am in the homestretch. Tired and crappy, but not quite ready yet...LOL. 29-30 weeks along. Baby is moving through out the day, and a nice reminder of days ahead of a baby in my arms :) Last week baby was head up...so fingers crossed for a head down baby next midwife visit, and that baby stays that way. Bryan kept us holding our breath till labor started as he flipped and flopped till 38 weeks.

That's it for now, I will post some more pics soon.

Febuary - Finally Some Snow

1. Angelina making snow angels

2.Bryan helping Daddy cleaning the driveway

3. Gracie with this crazy lump of snow she found on our walk and insisted on carrying home. Even though we had some at home..LOL She is sitting and resting, because she was tired here

4. All 3 of them, with the 1st snowmen they ever made on their own!!

We have been enjoying some snow, finally. The kids are busy, sledding around in it, and building snow men. They really luv it. And I'm happy to say that I'm glad it stays lighter longer, and we have been able to get out and enjoy some sunshine before supper. We go for a nice walk, and the kids laugh and play and talk along the way.

And I am feeling good. I am between 27-28 weeks, and I can feel the baby moving all the time. Yesterday I was in the laundry room with Goran while he was hammering something, and every time he banged the nail, the baby jumped :) Its so nice, even now while we can't see the baby, or even know whether we are having a boy or girl, this wee one responds to us. He/she can hear us. Sometimes when I am in the kitchen banging pots and pans getting supper ready, baby will be kicking and I imagen, complaining a bit. So I will rub my belly and tell baby that everything is fine, I am just getting supper ready for all the sisters, and brother he has out here :) The baby definitely likes it when I am busy, and moving. He/she seems more settled, enjoying the ride. But I can remember Bryan complaining every time I sat down. Or in bed at night, I can remember him being so active, I couldn't' sleep at times! This baby seems a bit more laid back. Hasn't kept me up once yet. Bryan has a real thing about the baby too. Lifting up my shirt and rubbing my belly. He actually lifts up the arm of his shirt and rubs his forarm on it...LOL. And he talks to the baby. He will ask about the baby, if he sees new baby gear coming in, or the 'baby draw' "When baby come?" he will ask.

Babycentre.com says baby is jus over 2lb right now about 14 inches long, and will respond to light on my tummy by turning towards it!! I think thats amazing!! So baby is definetly responding to all of us in turn, depending on who is talking with me, or making loud noises, but I'm not sure you could say baby is interacting with us. But I will pretend he/she is, because its a nice thought.

As most people expect, we are planning a lovely quiet homebirth. I day dream more and more about when the baby is here. A nice quiet summer, nice strolls with the baby in the sling, and the other 3 near by. Warm sunny days spent at the splash pad, with a picnic. All in good time.

Happy 4th Birthday Grace

We luv you so much Grace!!

4 years ago, I did it! I had my coveted home birth. I battled childbirth, 100% naturally, just like I had so badly wanted, and I won! I cried out in pain, when the contractions became to much, and breathed deep to catch myself in between. I remember the support and encouragement from my birth team. I remember Goran wanting so badly to go out for a smoke and begging him not to. ( He didn't! He stayed!)

I remember the first glimpse of her face! I remember what it felt like when I pushed her from my body. The first feeble cries, and Goran cutting the cord. I remember them tucking her in beside me, telling me she needed "Mommy" and feeling so proud to here those words.

Here we are 4 years later. Now we celebrate this sweet girls birthday. Sometimes I think she is a 4 year old monkey! She is rumbustious, and clever. She likes to playfully repeat..."Daddy said______". Sometimes she comes up with her own dialog, using this time to use forbidden words....LOL....yes that is my 2nd child:) She can be the sweetest and most caring child, sharing new toys, and be the first to give a hug to someone who's hurt. She seems to so really understand feelings! Even when someone is just feeling 'blue' she wants fix it. Or if someone is really happy, she wants to join it the fun, and giggle and shout with glee. She is tender and sweet with babies, and really luvs them. She holds them gently, and will sing and rock them for hours on end - real or just dolls! She like to help out. Doing some dusting, folding face cloths, or feeding small ones that need a hand.

She is our Grace. Silly and funny, sweet and lovable and irreplaceable!

Happy Birthday big girl! I hope you have a fantastic day, love your new PJ's, and have enjoyed spending the day in them!!

This is what I mean. 'Gracie, smile!"

Gracie

Gracie gave her sues sues to Baby Zachary this year!

Gracie and her cousin Abby!

Baby # 4

Goran pointed out the other day that I will have to change the title of my blog :) Yes, the rumors are true, baby # 4! I am about 19 weeks, and a bit in disbelieve!! I have wanted a big family for along time, and its just happened....and so hard to believe that is about 5 months, 5 will become 6!!!

This wasn't a surprize or a ops. None of our children have been a surprize. We have been blessed, and smiled upon from up above. It seems every time we talk about 'another one' we are pregnant shortly. We've had our hurts, as we have lost a few early on in the game. Its painful, and disappointing, and I am angry at my body for failing me. But life does go on, and there has always been a health pregnancy shorty after.

It doesn't matter how many pregnancy's I have, the whole thing seem so miraculous to me. I read weekly how my baby is growing and developing, how my body is changing to make room and nourish the new life I'm carrying. My body is even preparing to care for my baby once its born! I understand that at this point the baby can hear, and is becoming more aware of the noises out here! (I just asked Kristyn yesterday if baby could hear) I can feel baby moving more and more. She/he is a busy little one. Last night as Goran and I were laying in bed I felt baby moving, and felt a fairly strong kick (remember baby is only 7 ounces). I quickly put
Goran's hand on my tummy. "Wow!" he said. Its always so special to me when he feels our baby moving for the first time. With Bryan I was 24 weeks before he felt anything, so this seems so early.

Me and the little ones went to see my midwife today. I have a new midwife as Sylvia is out of country. So we have Sarah, and she is great! I have been discussing with Goran having an unassisted birth and he is not totally comfortable with it, but he would do it if I really wanted. The reasons I want to go unassisted are just preference, and wanting to be able to feel uninhibited. Don't get me wrong, my birth with Bryan was great, but I remember feeling annoyed by things. Strangers in the room (my back up ended up being someone I had never met) whispering, and those annoying rubber gloves. I mean, I know if I had said something those things would have stopped, but that is really the last thing on a laboring mothers mind. Its just there, bugging you....Anyways we discussed my preference of having midwives in the house but not necessarily in the room. We discussed the monitoring that they have to do by standard, which seems reasonable, but in the most part, she is willing to work with me, so that I am happy in the end. I'm happy about this. Its good to know that if I need them, for hemorrhaging, or baby resuscitating they are there, but otherwise they will let me be.

So here are some pics Angelina took during the apt today.

1. My blood pressure

2. Talking with Sarah

3. Listening to baby #4

4. Bryan listening and resting on my belly(seems to be a fetish of his...lol)

Enjoyable

I have forgotten how enjoyable life with just 3 children can be! Its busy, but not a busy as 7. And these are all mine! I have the week off from work. We have no real agenda, and nothing that can't wait until 'tomorrow'. We stay in our PJ's to long, and leave the breakfast dishes until 1/2 hour before hubby gets home :) Its fantastic! I wonder how long it would be before I go board. I think I would. I would miss my crew coming in the door. The cries of "Hi Kathryn!" and hugs. The stories throughout the day, and watching them all play with my own.

But in the mean time I am enjoying the week. I like having the time to watch my youngest one get off his chair at the table and go get a Kleenex, because he knows his nose is yuck. Or sit and craft with my girls. Really watch their creations come to life. I like laying in bed waiting to feel the newest member of the family kick and squirm, saying a little hello. I have energy at the end of the day to make a real supper and set the dining room table! (Hubby was ecstatic last night!) I have the patience to have the children help set the table to 'teach' them. Yes I am enjoying my week.

For now I am off to Kristyn's. We will enjoy good company, and eat to much, and the children will be happy to have some other children to play with.

Oh the lucky life of the 'Stay at Home Mom!'

Some Pics

Its been to long, but I have my own computer and I easily now how to down load pics now!!

A few family Christmas photos

Almsot 2 Months!!

Wow, that weekend went by so fast....and I still don't know how to do the picture thing without my camera program. O h well, posting anyways.

Merry belated Christmas! Or I guess happy boxing day! Its been a great season. It has been fun to watch the kids anticipation grow with each day that gets closer to Christmas. Ofcourse I have been trying to hard to teach them the reason for Christmas. The birth of 'Baby Jesus'. I have read books with them, and asked questions. They answer eagerly, wanting to know more. Sometimes they ask questions and I answer them gratefully that they are curious and want to know more. We went a saw Christmas lights all done up at a near by park Christmas Eve. There was a lovely display of Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus in the stable, surrounded by shepherds. It was nice for them to see, make it more real for them.

Christmas morning Angelina was up at 4:00am. I told her to go back to bed:) Again at 7:00am. Ok, we could deal with that. The energy in the room was contagouse! The joy, the fun, the laughter. After all was said and done I sat down beside by hubby and kissed him, thanking him for being with me and making this beautiful family. This is Christmas. Spending the time together and being together.

More later, I am battling a terrible cold.