Oh Kids!

Whether she understood how guilty and sorry we felt for her, or was responding to the extra attention we were giving her, or she was reacting to the situation itself yesterday, Grace was extra pickley today. She started the day out slapping, screaming, etc. After a brief 'calming down time' (sounds better then time out) in her room, her mood seem to shift and she was OK again. I did speak with her this morning about it. I reminded her of her tools, telling her friends to "STOP IT", or walking away. She nodded and seemed to understand that. She has got to practice that a bit today, and I heard a few time yells of "STOP IT!" (Bryan chimes in after, "Stop it!")

I just worry. I couldn't sleep last night and was awake when Goran came home. I spilled my beans and told him the story. "Aw, poor Grace," he said. I remember being teased and taunted as a child, and he did too. (Here I thought I was the only one.) I don't want Grace to look back and remember it as a painful experience, but something mommy taught her how to deal with. My mom and sisters taught me the "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me," rhyme. That didn't help me, it only egged on my teasers more.

But then I wonder if I'm making way more of this then I should. Maybe, at 3, she didn't really understand it all, and could have cared less. Maybe she won't remember, (likely not at her age) and it will be forgotten and never thought of again. Or maybe it is just one of many childhood incidents that will scar her, and leave her hurting and fearful to trust people....One of those things that will always be there...

The trauma I felt yesterday is over. But the fear is present in my heart. On the bright side, she is playing and laughing and happy today. I must be doing something right.

Witness

I witnessed one of the things I fear for my children. How do I stop it? How do I give them the tools to stand up and say "Stop it!"? My heart bled for poor Grace today.

It was the end of the day. We had walked to the park with some daycare friends and were walking them home. We met a few neighborhood children, and the mom of the children I had, on the way. The mom and I were chatting and the children were running up and down the sidewalk playing. As we were talking I could here chatting coming from the children. They were 2-3 houses down the street. I had to stop talking to hear them. "Gracie is a baby, Gracie is a baby..."My heart sunk. Gracie was standing there trying to hide behind a tree, 3 other children standing in front of her (Angelina was amongst them) chanting these nasty works at my Gracie. Gracie who is stuck in the middle. Gracie, who doesn't know if she is a big girl or a baby, but is trying so hard to find her place. Another mother heard and came flying out of a nearby house to put a stop to it, and I raised my voice in Gracie's defense. The situation diffused quickly. Within a few minutes Gracie came to me and climbed into Bryan's abandoned stroller. I tried to speak to Grace about it but she wouldn't look at me. I stopped her and said "Grace, look at mommy." She obliged. "Are you Ok Grace?" I asked her. "Mommy, I like your pretty hair," she said...trying to change the subject like she has a tendency to do when something is bothering her. She was looking me straight in the eyes, and I could see her hurt there. I couldn't get a clear answer out of her, and gave up. Then, to add to it all, (and this really bothers me) the mom I had been talking to goes as far as to defend the children picking on Grace! How dare you! If it had been your daughter they were picking on it would have been a different story!

So about a week ago I posted a blog about my fears for my children, and steps forward I am taking to try to get past it. But this is just another example. I don't want my children, any of them, ridiculed or picked on. I want them to have the tools to stand up for themselves and others when need be. But how do I do that? I teach them the words to use so often, "Stop it!' "I don't like it"(remembering that they are still small), but for some reason Grace stood there, seemingly defenseless.

Tonight I go to bed with a heavy heart, and my fear for my childrens physical and emotional safety continues to be a great a concern.

"Gracie, I'm sorry I could not stop your hurt today. Mommy is sorry I haven't given you the tools to stand up for yourself. I hope and pray I can change this, and together we can grow and learn, and prepare you for whatever tomorrow brings. I luv you Sweetheart."

The Potty Busines Update, and That Bear With Big Teeth

Updating Bryan's potty improvement. We've had our up and downs, and I have thought of giving up. But Goran and Kristyn have encouraged me so I have continued on. I am happy I did.

Monday and Tuesday last week were fantastic!! Holding it forever and few accidents...if any. The rest of the week was emotional highs and lows. Just when I thought he was getting it, he would poop his pants. Then, when I would be feeling so discouraged and wondering if I should put him back in diapers, I'd put him on the potty and he'd pee immediately. It was a lot of up and downs. I was ready to through in the towel. I talked to Goran about my concerns. To early, not old enough, doesn't understand...the list went on. "I'm sorry your frustrated,"he said. "He'll get it, don't give up." Two different sentences, exactly what I needed. Sympathy, and encouragement. Kristyn came and we talked some more. She has this great way of observing for awhile, and then giving her opinion. Before she left she said, "He gets it Kathryn. He knows where it goes, he just needs to figure out what it means to feel like he has to pee or poop. He'll figure it out, don't give up." Again really good to hear.

I had been hoping for the great revelation, and some wonderful, "He gets it, he's done!" comments to put up. But instead I sit here with the battle goes on, and learning continues. But I have observed some revelations when I comes to this potty stuff. Just in the last 2 days I've found he can hold on for about and hour and half. And now when I put him on, he pees and he's done in under 3 minutes. There is some protest, but the sooner I leave him and let him at it, the sooner he pees. And now when he pees or poops, he will come into the kitchen and will stand there (mostly naked) until I ask him, "Did you pee/pooh?" He will nod yes if he did. Or sometimes he stands up from the potty and yells "Aha!" and points into the potty letting me know he's 'done it'.

Progress is there, just slower then I wanted. But, slow and steady wins the race, right?
I will post pics of him in his undies this week.


And here is the picture of Angelina with the 'dentist bear'. One freaky bear if you ask me!

1 piture

Here is the one picture I have of Angelina the very first time she went with Goran, just to watch and see what it was like. As you can see she got a chance to sit in the chair. Lets say for records sake, she was 5 when this picture was take :)

I'm not quit sure how to get the other picture on the computer (it has to be scanned on first and I have no clue how that's done)when I have that crazy bear with the huge teeth on the computer ...don't worry I will put it up for you all to see....and you'll see what I mean!

A Trip to the Dentist

Angelina had her first official visit to the dentist! I had to blog because of what she did this morning...it was so cute!

A few months ago Goran took her with him so she could see a cleaning and sit in the chair. We have a cute picture I will post. (Its Goran's job to do the dentist.....they freak me out) Yesterday she went for a check up and cleaning(I guess because I'm not exactly sure what they do). She came home quit excited about her new tooth brush(a princess one), sparkling white teeth, and a picture of herself in the chair with this funny looking teddy bear with huge teeth. (The practice bear?) She was perfect, and had perfect teeth.

This morning the bathroom door was shut, and I couldn't find the girls. Humm...I had better investigate I thought to myself. And upon investigating I found Angelina diligently brushing those pearly whites, give Grace a lesson on brushing her teeth. It was very cute, and I let her proceed...but I tell you, she was in there so long, its a wonder she didn't brush them away!!

I will post the pics later today.

The End of the First Day

Not bad for the first day of really trying. He had a pee and a poop in his undies after supper, but other than that has done well. He wouldn't pee after snack, so I asked him if he wanted to wear a diaper to the park. He nodded yes (which is soooo super cute when he does. He stops and stands really still, and then he will nod is head up and down very seriously, but just once) So he did. He came home drenched (ofcourse) but after lunch did a pee and a poop. But suddenly I couldn't find his undies. I asked him where they were but he just kept pointing in any general direction and jabbering something at me. (I later found them in the garbage...is he trying to tell me something?) So he put some Tiger's on and went for a nap. After nap he refused potty again, but I told him no peeing on Tiger. We went outside for a walk, and came in an hour later. This time I put him on the potty, despite his refusal, and he did pee! Yeah Bryan! This is were things got yucky...after supper he pooped his pants (my fault, I should have known) and then shortly after peed his pants. But from then on he was dry. He actually feel asleep nursing and is in bed now sleeping.

So he had twice as many positives as negatives, and he did communicate his desires to me...if not in words, then actions. I am proud of the little man. I know he can do it. And tomorrow is a new day with no pees or poops...yet:)

The Potty Business the Third time Around

I am doing the 'potty training' thing again. Bryan's turn this time. Yes he's young. All of mine have been young, and done long before the age of 2. I hadn't planned to do him this early, but he seems so receptive, and he doens't like the diapers. And I'm sorry, but I don't understand the people who change a 3 1/2 year olds poopy diaper. Grooossssss!

For the last few months its been a process. First just sitting. Lots of cheering and clapping, "Yeah Bryan,". Then one time he while sitting he poop. More clapping and cheering, a bye bye poopy song, and flush. Eventually it became a twice a day thing. Sometimes he wants to go and play in the back yard. He cries with frustration, and jabbers at me in an angry voice. And then with the pooping he was peeing too. More clapping and cheering, and a sticker on his hand. He loves those. Last week I bought him some big boy undies. Tiger and trucks. He likes those. He points and jabbers at them. He can say a sloppy version on Tiger, and trucks, and will go and get them from is room. We did some 'practicing' last week. During nap time, and he was waking up dry. One day he refused to pee after nap time, and peed once he was in him high chair. Yuck. On went the diapers. Yesterday I was leaving for a bit so I put a diaper on him, but he was pointing at it and again talking angry at me. "Don't you like the diaper?" I asked him. He shook his little head and said, "No," very clearly.
"Well, then you need to pee on the potty and no diapers," I told him. He was thoughtful about that.

At this point I think he gets the 'holding' the pee pee part, just not the 'letting go' part. We will keep working on it. Today we start the day in trucks. Lets see how far we get:)