My Project

When I was pregnant I had formed this project in my mind. I was going to redo Bryan's room for him to share with Klara. He was excited about sharing his space, and having Klara in his room. And then when I miscarried he was confused. He was still talking about the baby and we would have to remind him our baby died. He was still talking about sharing his space too.

"But when Klara comes to my room...."he'd begin and then tell us a story.

So that is where I threw my energy. I had all this energy, and sadness, and I had to do something with it. I didn't want to be sad, always thinking about my miscarriage, and have fits of crying over our loss. Yes, its there, always, but my kids and husband need more from me.

So I started planning, and saving, and dreaming. Planning out the space, colors to accent, curtains to hang, matching bedspreads that were not to gender specific....saving money to buy all this stuff.....and dreaming how great it would look.

I planned a big trip to IKEA, and although my shopping buddy had to board a plane to see an ailing aunt the day before, I found another, a new sitter, and off I went. I have now spent the last 2 days, assembling, stuffing, drilling and hanging. But I luv it! (They do too!)

It was good for me. To do something with my hands. To bring what I saw in my mind a reality. Klara has gone to bed last night and tonight in her new bed. I have to admit, I wasn't ready for that. I like having her beside me at night. There is a comfort in the night to putting my hand on her back and feeling her breath. To her waking in the early morning, tugging at my shirt and the sweet sound of satisfaction as her breath becomes more easied again, while she nurses back to sleep. I was thankful at 3:00am when she woke calling me and was happy to come back to my bed!

she has begun to make herself at home :)

she luvs turning the light off/on....she just can't figure out the on part!

i turned Bryans off last night when i went to bed, and he woke and turned it back on at some point :)

red book sling! to match duvet

 

blue for Bryan, again to match (yes the fabrics match!)
 
ideas and patterns for the book slings borrowed from:
http://pennycarnival.typepad.com/penny_carnival/2009/02/tutorial-hanging-book-displ ay.html

so cute, so happy

so proud and watching big brother for what to do next

Puffy Pancakes

Before I had even made this Angelina was saying, "Oh, I don't want it! Are you making anything else?"

Well this was it, and guess what? She ate more then anyone else!

Puffy Pancakes

1 cup flour
1 cup milk
4 eggs
Mix together till smooth (I used my hand mixer)

Preheat oven to 350F. In a glass pan allow 1/4c of butter to melt in the heating oven while you mix ingredients. When its melted, take the pan out, pour you liquid mix into the pan. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar. Bake for 20 minutes in preheated oven. 

It came out looking pretty funny and we all had a good laugh! 

i luv that i can see me in the pot :)

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Inspired by SouleMama

 

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

Inspired by SouleMama

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving for us. Moving forward from the pain of all of the past few weeks has been new. Dealing with this and moving forward is new to me. This loss hurts. Talking to others has really helped. Some have been through similar loss and pain, and can empathize, some have not been through anything like this, but as good friends they listen and try to understand, hold my hand, or give a hug. It is healing. It comes to mind less, and less, and hurts less and less. I'm sad when I just let myself feel it. Sad that I am not pregnant. Sad that they tiny baby that was growing deep inside me, has died. Sad that the children won't be able to watch my belly grow, feel that baby kick, and that in April, we won't welcome that baby into our arms. Shortly after all this had ended, Angelina lay her head on my shoulder and said "I'm sad we won't have a baby."

But as I said we were healing, we are. My body is becoming whole again, and I am feeling well. We can go for long walking in the beautiful sunshine blessed on us so late in the year. I can slip the kids in the car and take the girls to ballet or the kids to swimming, and its OK. I'm not exhausted or overwhelmed coming home. I am joyfully beginning to plan ahead, cook meals from scratch, and bake muffins/cookies on a whim for now and/or later. I enjoy bath time and snuggle time again.

And this weekend came with healing balm of its own. My birthday party delayed come too! Friends, GREAT food made by a good friend, smiles, hugs, laughs,candles, cheers, and cake. Goran kept 10+ kids busy so the momma's could just visit.

A trip to the local farm for pumpkin picking, apple picking, hay rides, hay maze, and a corn maze. All 6 of us together, enjoying, smiling and laughing. Coming home to ham in the crock pot, quickly made squash, scalloped taters, apple cider, and warm buns from the oven. More candle light, but now with the man of my dreams and the children I have been blessed to watch grow and keep safe. They luved it. The candle light and apple cider in mugs. Finish with pumpkin pie warm from the oven and topped with whipped cream.

ballet buns.....watch, you'll find more!

i luv the way he is looking at his dad

tiny fingers

'hahaha! Take a picture of my bum'

It has been a beautiful weekend. A healing weekend with my family and friends. A weekend I am truly
thankful for. Company, weather, food, all blessing I am so so thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving!

{this moment}

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

inspired by SouleMama

 

Happy Birthday

Where do I begin? I don't know. My heart hurts, but in the hurting, healing is happening. My body hurts, but as I slowly return to daily activities my body is mending, and heart with it.

'i can smell fall' she says 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

he tripped and fell and wanted to hold MY hand. so rare

new shoes

 

 

sisters! i luv the happy smiles - so excited about ballet

friends sleeping son

playing nephew

she is growing so fast....

 Today was an exceptional day. My smiling kids greeted me outside the bathroom door with smiles and shouts "Happy Birthday" and hugs and gifts. I am so blessed.

"Mom" (that's me!)

2 big girls wrote their name, and Bryan drew the heart. <3

Dinner made by Mom and Dad, and cake made by my mother - in - law finished the quiet birthday in perfection.

cake #2

Happy Birthday! Another year gone by.