I felt so disorganized. I felt like a rat in a maze. Like I was running around in circles. Starting things, but never really getting them completed. Tasks all over the house, almost finished, but never really done. A sense of disorder, and confusion, running around, feeling lost, and overwhelmed. My head is spinning so fast, I can hardly see whats next. People say they understand.
"Its hard with 5."
"You're doing great, you have 5 now."
"Its normal, your running after 5 kids."
Over and over again. I sigh.
Its not 5 kids. I can handle 5 kids. I handled 4 easily, and enjoyed it. I luved it!
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| luv the twinkle in Grace's eyes! |
Its the lack of routine, the messy schedule the afternoons bring. The disorder, the feeling of never getting anything done, and always having this never ending to do list. It feels like there is always a bathroom to clean, floor to mop, lunch to make, clothes to fold, every time I sit down, something is there, not quite finished, but almost. And then there is the extra things. organizing clothes, washing bedsheets, now the pool, and the garden on top of all the other things.
I cried today. I felt so discouraged, frustrated, and alone.
Goran greeted me with a hug, promising me we'd work out a routine, write it down, and stick to it. Friends on facebook sent words of encouragement and support.
Buy 3:00pm I was feeling better, and proactive.
So I wrote a list. A list of all the chores I need to do in a week, and the the extra things too. And then I wrote a chart, starting with Monday, all through Sunday, and planned what I would do each day, and finished off with weekly chores. Only 2-3 things each day, feeling very manageable.
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| she did story time, completely unprompted. so cute! |
Just seeing the list gives me a sense of peace and order. It also helps that I have 2 things knocked off the list for tomorrow.
So my feeling of calm flowed into soccer, and into bath time and bedtime. Everything ran smoothly, kissing damp fleshly washed hair goodnight off sweet smelling foreheads.
It felt good.
