Peace and Order

I felt so disorganized. I felt like a rat in a maze. Like I was running around in circles. Starting things, but never really getting them completed. Tasks all over the house, almost finished, but never really done. A sense of disorder, and confusion, running around, feeling lost, and overwhelmed. My head is spinning so fast, I can hardly see whats next. People say they understand.

"Its hard with 5."

"You're doing great, you have 5 now."

"Its normal, your running after 5 kids."

Over and over again. I sigh.

Its not 5 kids. I can handle 5 kids. I handled 4 easily, and enjoyed it. I luved it!

luv the twinkle in Grace's eyes!

Its the lack of routine, the messy schedule the afternoons bring. The disorder, the feeling of never getting anything done, and always having this never ending to do list. It feels like there is always a bathroom to clean, floor to mop, lunch to make,  clothes to fold, every time I sit down, something is there, not quite finished, but almost. And then there is the extra things. organizing clothes, washing bedsheets, now the pool, and the garden on top of all the other things.

I cried today. I felt so discouraged, frustrated, and alone.

Goran greeted me with a hug, promising me we'd work out a routine, write it down, and stick to it. Friends on facebook sent words of encouragement and support.

Buy 3:00pm I was feeling better, and proactive. 

So I wrote a list. A list of all the chores I need to do in a week, and the the extra things too. And then I wrote a chart, starting with Monday, all through Sunday, and planned what I would do each day, and finished off with weekly chores. Only 2-3 things each day, feeling very manageable.

she did story time, completely unprompted. so cute!

Just seeing the list gives me a sense of peace and order. It also helps that I have 2 things knocked off the list for tomorrow.

So my feeling of calm flowed into soccer, and into bath time and bedtime. Everything ran smoothly, kissing damp fleshly washed hair goodnight off sweet smelling foreheads.

It felt good.

Prayer

Today my heart is heavy.

I won't forget Tim Bosma, or the way his story stirred my soul, or the way my thoughts have turned to him and his family over the last week. I won't forget, that although I don't know his wife, I feel a connection to her, as we are both mothers, and wives. 

I won't forget the family's unwavering faith, in the face of the worse possible news. They are standing strong together, and the word of God.

I prayed for Tim and his family, and continue to pray for his family.

I will leave my porch light on tonight.

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

 Inspired by SouleMama. 

Aftermath

After a beautiful sunny day spent in the sandbox, this was the aftermath.

After hand washing, feet washing, and baths, my house has a whole lot of sand scattered throughout. Hand prints on walls, and footprints in carpets...

This only needs to happen once for me to learn an important lesson.

The kiddie pool will be up before the next sand day so that the kids can wash off OUTSIDE before coming  inside!

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

 Inspired by SouleMama. 

My Boys

This is going to be a bit rambley.

As I go through my mothering journey I'm learning things. As my children grow I'm learning things about them.  I'm learning that girls are sweet and kind, and its easy for me to feel connected to them, because my girls tent to be quiet snugglers who read books and carry babies around. Just like their momma. Easy Peasy.

These, boys, they are loud, and full of energy, running and not often following mommas advice. Sweet Bryan would often leave the books untouched for a game of running through the house, or following Daddy around while he fixes thing, chops wood or builds something.

While I was pregnant with my Sam, I wanted a girl. They are easier, and I understand them. So I was having a girl.

As the girls have grown and mostly through my pregnancy I came to realize that girls are dramatic. Whether they are 2, or 10, there is a lot more crying, and hurt feelings and misunderstandings. And I noticed with Bryan, he tells it like it is. So as they have grown, I'm finding that boys tend to be 'easier'. He will sit and read books, about snakes, and dinosaurs. He does have a thing for babies, but real ones that are his siblings.

Because Bryan was an uncomfortable baby, he was an unhappy baby. And in my head all that went together with his sex. This made it hard for me to connect to him. It might sound awful, but a sleep deprived exhausted overwhelmed mother puts crazy things together in her head.

So there was no way I was having another boy.

And then there was Sam. I want to be clear, I wasn't disappointed in any way. I was ecstatic! I had a boy, filling my arms, snuggling against me, happy as could be.

Because of Bryan's discomfort as a baby, and unhappiness, I try harder to meet Sams needs and understand whats wrong so he can be happy. I've made and extra effort spending extra time, hugging, holding, and carrying him to connect with him. In this I've found my bond with Bryan has strengthened as well!

I though I wanted a girl, and I thought I  had it all figured out. But as my wee ones grow, I'm learning that I'm learning!

Sam is good for me. Sam is good for Bryan, who is so thrilled to have a brother. Sam is good for me and Bryan as he has taught me and strengthened our bond. I see Sam smile at his sisters, and melt his dads heart. Sam is what we needed.

I thought I knew what I wanted. What we needed, but as I told the wee ones my whole pregnancy, we don't get to pick, God, does. And He knew exactly what we needed.

MIA

Yep that's me. MIA. Business in a way I find overwhelming, and craziness I find overwhelming.

But here we are, with a quick update of our most current project underway. I had to post a few pics, as they grow, and change so fast.

Springs been slow in arriving, but it is finally (dare I say it?) here. I think. Warm sunshine, Klarars 3rd birthday approaching, and line dried sheets. All signs of spring!


Here is my plot of land...for my garden this year. Hubby working hard.

Baby sunning his sweet bare feet while garden is being made.

Ready....

......set.....

GO!

Sweet pea, looking like a sweet gardener. She does a good job getting dirty. (I have to let my clean thing go and let them get dirty....)

Mother Hen with SamSam. Man, he's growing fast!

After a good fence, 4 yards of topsoil, and time and energy, Goran says, "Wait and see, it will work this year!" So here we go, waiting. Ive posted pics of baby veggies growing, and my hopes have been crushed twice as I watched my hard work wilt away. Im hoping with continuing hard work again, it will produce and I can post pics of veggies fully matured, ready for my family to enjoy.

Here's hoping!!