My Boys

This is going to be a bit rambley.

As I go through my mothering journey I'm learning things. As my children grow I'm learning things about them.  I'm learning that girls are sweet and kind, and its easy for me to feel connected to them, because my girls tent to be quiet snugglers who read books and carry babies around. Just like their momma. Easy Peasy.

These, boys, they are loud, and full of energy, running and not often following mommas advice. Sweet Bryan would often leave the books untouched for a game of running through the house, or following Daddy around while he fixes thing, chops wood or builds something.

While I was pregnant with my Sam, I wanted a girl. They are easier, and I understand them. So I was having a girl.

As the girls have grown and mostly through my pregnancy I came to realize that girls are dramatic. Whether they are 2, or 10, there is a lot more crying, and hurt feelings and misunderstandings. And I noticed with Bryan, he tells it like it is. So as they have grown, I'm finding that boys tend to be 'easier'. He will sit and read books, about snakes, and dinosaurs. He does have a thing for babies, but real ones that are his siblings.

Because Bryan was an uncomfortable baby, he was an unhappy baby. And in my head all that went together with his sex. This made it hard for me to connect to him. It might sound awful, but a sleep deprived exhausted overwhelmed mother puts crazy things together in her head.

So there was no way I was having another boy.

And then there was Sam. I want to be clear, I wasn't disappointed in any way. I was ecstatic! I had a boy, filling my arms, snuggling against me, happy as could be.

Because of Bryan's discomfort as a baby, and unhappiness, I try harder to meet Sams needs and understand whats wrong so he can be happy. I've made and extra effort spending extra time, hugging, holding, and carrying him to connect with him. In this I've found my bond with Bryan has strengthened as well!

I though I wanted a girl, and I thought I  had it all figured out. But as my wee ones grow, I'm learning that I'm learning!

Sam is good for me. Sam is good for Bryan, who is so thrilled to have a brother. Sam is good for me and Bryan as he has taught me and strengthened our bond. I see Sam smile at his sisters, and melt his dads heart. Sam is what we needed.

I thought I knew what I wanted. What we needed, but as I told the wee ones my whole pregnancy, we don't get to pick, God, does. And He knew exactly what we needed.