My Real Issue - My Weight

So I love food. Really love food. Overweight love food. 2 years ago I joined weight watchers, and got down to 156lb. Then Klara came along and I put it all back on. All of it. Every single pound I had lost. AND 25lb baby weight.

So I joined again. I know its hard. 1lb a week does not seem like much. But it adds up. I know it does. I did it. I can do it again.

I'd like to loose 15lb by Klara's birthday.

But the reason I got this way to begin with is still there. Food. I'm so good some days. I count the points and eat well. I eat healthy and feel good. And then its one cookie. The next day 3 cookies. Then my weights not dropping and I start to get discouraged. Then it doesn't seem worth it. I made a great supper, and want 2nds and 3rds, and dessert. Cookies, chocolate, pie....and then the scale is up, and I'm disappointed in myself. So I pick myself, and start again. Its a cycle. Going round and round. But through it all I do loose. I just wish I could break it, and just stay steady and loose a lit bit every week, and get there in the end. But the emotions are all tied in there.

But I start fresh after a gain, and loose again. That is were I was on Wednesday. I had gained and was upset. Got into these chocolate things Goran brought home. They were yummy, but I know didn't help. He took them out of the house this morning when he went to work. Thank you Hunny :)


This morning I went through all my 'skinny' summer clothes. I thought about 2 summers ago when I wore them, and felt great!! I bought 2 nice skirts the other day. Both a bit 'small'. With the idea I can wear them with ease by Klara's birthday, and through the summer.

Below are the 2 skirts and a shirt I wore 2 summers ago. I'm posting there here, and when Klara's birthday comes, will have my picture taken in them and post the pics.



And to get there, the point I can wear them with ease, I will walk ever day its not raining and we are home, I will count my points and only eat what I should, and do sit ups every day. I can do that. I hope I can get to 150lb by my birthday. I will reassess at Klara's birthday.

I can do this. One step at a time.

3 & 3 for Klara!

Klara now has 3 new teeth!! Her bottom 2 has been there since about 7 months, and the top one has just come threw in the last few days. It was just under the skin all week last week and drove me crazy. But today I could see the gum was cut and could feel that new tooth!! Yay, baby girl!!

I've been trying to catch her pooping and put her on the potty for the last few weeks, but she stops when she gets on there. But she's seems to be figuring out what I want, as she has pooped 3xs on the potty in the last 4 days. She usually pees, and now when I catch her pooping, quick put her on, and she finishes in the pot!

She is all over the floor, and in my cupboards, and sits at the top of the stairs, and calls for whoever last went down. She knows what she wants, and gets frustrated when it doesn't work the way she wanted. She's growing and changing so fast!!



And just to finish off the post;

Goran put a new toilet in on the weekend. Whats more fun then a dual flush toilet?? The box!!

Mr Skeleton

"Its not Bryan, my name is Mr. Skeleton," Bryan told me earlier today.

My quest to not forget, so I'm jotting it down. I want to hang onto all these moments, cute, sweet, funny, things they say now, and remember them forever.

He has this great Halloween shirt, that glows in the dark. He loves it. Doesn't realize its just meant for Halloween, and wears it as soon as it is out of the laundry (he has tried getting it dirty out of the wash and wearing it...telling me it was really 'clean'). A few weeks ago we were at a friends house and her son (a year and 1/2 older then Bryan) has scary glow in the dark pirate skeleton costume. He was putting it on, Bryan watching thinking it was very fun. It came to the mask part (frightening for me) and when he put it on, Bryan covered his face with his hands and stepped back, frightened. "No," he said hesitating, almost whispering. "Take it off."

I was happy for a moment. Oh, my son doesn't like it, good, I thought to myself. Scary skeleton costumes are not something I will have to deal with for Halloween.

The older boy took it off, reveling himself, and letting Bryan see it was him. I reassured Bryan as well, telling him it was still Johny under there, it was just as mask.

Well that did it. Bryan's fear turned to excitement and laughter, and shortly my son was the one running around with a scary, glow in the dark skeleton mask on!!

And now, Mr Skeleton lives in my house, not my sweet little Bryan.

Familiar Theme

There is a familiar theme to my blog these days. Well I guess its in my mind, so that is what comes out. Time goes by too fast!!

My baby, the first one I pushed into this world, is 7 years old!!!! How did that happen?

My 2nd child, my first homebirthed baby, is 5 years old!!! What the heck?

My 3rd child, my first son is 3 years old!!! Where did the last 3 years go?

My 4th child, my 3rd girl, truly my baby right now turns 9 months old today!! Honest, I don't know where the last 9 months have gone. She has gone from a new born to a scotching, babbling, screeching baby in what seems like over night.

I beg God to slow down time. To let me enjoy them just a bit more. I try to remember, in the times of complete frustration, its going to pass. It will be over in seconds.

Time keeps marching on.



Klara, my sweet tiny girl is 9 months today. All the frustrations and anxiety surrounding her birth, her position in my womb, forgotten - almost :) The first days, of snoozing and holding, and nursing, ingrained in my memory. My baby carried in the sling constantly beside my heart. Summer of long walks, reading "Little House On The Parie" to the 'big kids' and nursing my infant in the shade. Camping, and beach days, and evenings spent picking fresh veggies from the garden. All with Klara slung tight against me. And then the leaves were turning colors and I was packing up the house, and labeling boxes. Picking out light fixtures and paint for the new house. Still my baby was against me. Then we were moved and preparing for Christmas. The floor was finished over a few weeks, and the tree was up, beautifully decorated with help from the 3 'big kids'. Still I carried my baby often throughout the day. Quick shopping trips, and walks in the snow. Early morning vacuum, and evening dishes, she loved being close. Suddenly I was taking down the tree and purging the house, and January was fading, Valentines Day approaching but wait.....whats happening....my baby is moving...she complains now when slung or carried...she wants down...

I was sad. And I was happy. I was happy for her. She had figured out something new, and was proud. She was content to play, move around the main floor getting into the garbage, attacking the broom, but never reaching the cats in time. Her confidence is building and she is learning and growing. But it seemed in her growing I had lost something. My sling baby wanted down. That went on for over a week.

But this past week, she seemed trouble. She didn't want to nurse, she didn't want to play, she wanted up, but didn't want to sit......I threw her in the ergo for dishes one night. She was quiet. She snuggled against my back. She was asleep before I was done. A few more times this week, she has been the same. Unsettled. Anxious. A walk around the block in the sling, or sink full of dishes in the ergo settles her again. Sometimes she relaxes against me, listens to my heart and voice, and drifts to sleep. Sometimes she plays peek-a-boo with Daddy. Sometimes she chatters to the big kids as they pass her toys and tickle her toes. And sometimes she tries to stretch around me to see what I am doing.

I'll take it! This fleeting piece of her babyhood. I will take what I can get. As I've said so many times before, time is flying by. All too soon the sling and ergo will hang on hooks covered in dust....and a little girls laughter will float threw the window as she chases her sibling around the yard.

Always

There is always dishes on my counter.

There is always toys scattered across the floor.

There is always clothes in the washer, and the drier, and needing to be folded.

There is always someone who 'says' they are hungry.

There is always phone calls to return, and emails to respond too.

But.....

....there is always a smile on my face.


There is always healthy food for hungry tummies.

There is always soft snowy bubbles in the sink...and little hands reaching for them....

There is always fresh crisp clothes to stretch out in.

There is always friends coming through the door.

There is always the happy chatter of the baby amongst those toys.


There is always laughter.


Our home is full of good things. Laughter, joy, learning, and love. Life!

Always. I couldn't ask for more.

February

Its February. Its cold. The days are short. Vitamin D is low for everyone. I'm tired. The days seem long. We are stuck indoor most days, as it is often below -10C. It seems we do the same thing day after day.

But something is changing.

I can feel the warmth of the sun. Suddenly I noticed its light a bit longer. Its not quit as cold as was. We get outside a few times a week and the kids run and play on the side walk, crunching ice, and jumping in icy cold puddles. The sun feels good on my face. I open the big wooden door for a bit and let the sun shine pour through the front door in the afternoon.

Spring is coming. In its soft slow way, the earth is warming, the birds are coming back, and spring is coming. Rubber boots, light jackets, Easter eggs hunts, and baby animals. New things to learn, freshness for everyone.

I am so thankful I can see the signs that spring is coming :)

Happy 3rd Bithday BRYAN!!

Happy Birthday To my Son

Who couldn't be loved more.

You are loved for:

The little boy you are,

...The man you will grow to be,

And the precious son you will always are.

I luv you Bryan. You are part of me. You always will be :) Hope you have the best day of all!