July Camping

It was a giant build up getting here. So much anticipation. There was SO MUCH work to do. (As you can imagine!) 

But we did it! The kids worked with me, packing clothes, washing dishes, sitting with sleeping Sam, everyone did their part. 

Driving here tonight with 5 + a friend I said "let's not worry about time, or the clock. Let's just do all the good stuff till we r done." 

So we went for a moonlit swim. It was magical and enchanting. Sam hugging my neck in the water, the girls laughter rippling across the lake, and Bryan eying to catch up. 

And then we were struggling to put our clothes on, the mosquitoes were everywhere, and it stung and hurt and we were slapping and there was crying and I was cursing to myself in my head for such dumb idea...

Fast forward 2 hours, these babies had campfire with s'mores and no mosquitoes and are now quietly breathing sleepiness, goodness and peace. 

I hear the campfires, smell the woodsmoke, and feel peaceful and grateful. 

Play

I've been thinking and reading about play.

I watch the children play, and their energy is constantly renewed. They are always excited to get up and greet the day with open arms.

"What are we doing today?" I get asked 4 (!) times every morning.

Whether we are painting the swing set, or doing groceries, or baking for the neighbors, they are excited and eager. They have questions like "Do we have enough paint brushes?" or "Can I get the ice cream?" and "Can we make banana muffins?" Everything we do, they want to be part of it, and they want to try, and take something away from it.

For a while there everything felt like a chore to me. Dressing, drying my hair, baking, cooking, laundry, gardening, supervising, shuttling kids, nursing the baby, walking the dog, and caring for the house. I was trying to make time for everything. Running threw my day to finish my list of chores. Because this list, my chores, if weren't done, reflected on me, as a mom, and a wife. And I want to be good at my job.

So, I rushed. Threw every moment of the day. To finish my list. I snapped at the wee ones to hurry, so we could rush to classes. I would sit and watch them and nurse the baby and think about the hundred billion things I had to do at home. I would rush them out the door, buckling them up, and hurrying them home to push them to eat so I could clean up......

I don't need to go on. I'm not the 1st mom to rush, and snap, and hurry, and tidy, and worry.

I'm not the 1st mom to get tired, and burnt out, and frustrated, and exhausted because suddenly all the fun is gone.

I had to find a way out. Or a way through this to the good stuff. I can see others having the good stuff. The moments the make life worth living. The moments. The quiet moments alone when everything feels right. When you know you are right where you are suppose to be. The loud and busy moments, when there is laughter and smiles and the luv is so big it can't be wrong. The fluttering eye lids, and gabbed tooth smiles, the 1st swim across the pool alone, the teasing, and the 1st moments at some grown up stuff.

So how was I going to get to that place, where my heart could rest and take it in and live.

Play.

"Our society tends to dismiss play for adults. Play is perceived as unproductive, petty or even a guilty pleasure. The notion is that once we reach adulthood, it’s time to get serious. And between personal and professional responsibilities, there’s no time to play."

"Play brings joy. And it’s vital for problem solving, creativity and relationships."

"Play can even facilitate deep connections between strangers and cultivate healing."

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/11/15/the-importance-of-play-for-adults/

The articular goes on to talk about what play is ect.

I started to do things I enjoyed, and it gave me energy. It gave me something to look forward too. And I started to enjoy the other things again. 

Sometimes I just stop. I feel the sun on my cheeks. I watch the children laughing. 

I've stopped writing lists and worrying about if it all gets done. I think about today, what it needs from me, and what I need from it.

Sometime I leave the house for a walk with the kids and growing-old Duke, with dishes in the sink. Because sometimes that's what we need, And when we get home, sometimes we are rejuvenated and happy and ready to do the dishes together, and get the kitchen cleaned up in 10 minutes. Sometime we get home and everyone is still cranky and I just help them to bed, and do dishes quietly on my own. Some times I'm grateful for that time, and some times I'm a bit grumpy that I'm doing it alone.

So we have made plans for fun. The kids and I this summer. We are painting and moving kids around rooms, and freshening up spaces, and having fun. We have camping trips planned, and cottage weekends, and looking forward to the Paris fair,

Some times I want company while I play. A pedicure with a friend or backyard painting with a the wee ones.

Some times I want to be alone with a good book, simply sip tea on the backyard bench and watch the bust birds fluttering around, or pound the pavement.

Its good. This think called play.

I only wish I could tell everyone how important it is :)