Just the Way it Is

Marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do. The secret is removing divorce as
an option. Anybody who gives themselves that option will get a divorce.
Will Smith

I'm not advocating for loveless marriages. But it's also the case that marriage
doesn't make us happy every day. No marriage does, but your marriage serves
as so much more than just a vehicle for immediate individual adult needs. It makes
one world for your child, and children will tell you that means everything to them.
Elizabeth Marquardt

 Dear Abby: Some months ago, you printed a letter from a reader
who was disturbed that the spark was gone from her marriage.
I asked my husband whether the spark is gone from our 18-year marriage.
His response: "A spark lasts only a second. It lights a fire. When
the flame burns down, we are left with the hottest part of the fire,
the embers, which burn the longest and keep the fire alive."
Betty in Cap May, N.J.


I'm choosing to remember that sometimes its just the way it is. Marriage is marriage. Sometimes its like a fairy tail. Green fields free of thistles, and  buzzing with stinger-less bees. Unicorns grazing in the background and rainbows decorating the horizon. Holding hands as the sunsets, and a kiss that rocks the moon into orbit. But sometimes its hard. Sometimes you step in a thistle, or those bees grow stingers. The unicorns turn into dragons, and the rainbows fade as the clouds roll in and cover the sun. Holding hands seems to like to much work. And the kissing as the sunsets? Really? That just seems like a joke.

I am remembering that sticking through the storms is what makes it worth it. Knowing I will always have him there, to hold my hand through the storm, is worth knowing we come out triumphant on the other side. Raising our hands together as the dawn breaks new with water droplets on the green grass like diamonds sparkling in the the fresh sun. 

Through all the marriage stuff, because of the marriage stuff, there is the kid thing. The amazing fact that my wee ones are here, because of the man I married. Because of the man I am married to, I have these 4 really amazing kids. I am blessed. Always always blessed.

Blessed to take these kids out for dinner after the very cool dentist gave us free pizzas (after fillings!).  Just me and them sitting in the booth, chatting and coloring and drinking chocolate milk, and eating good good pizza.

Even when the storm clouds roll in, there are these rays of sunshine shining through.

Life is good. Its not always roses. But if I can step back, look at the big picture, where we've been, where we are, and where we're headed, it is good. It brings a smile to my face.