8 Days - Angelina's Questions

I was making lunch for them today and Angelina has some questions for me. She has clearly heard me talking about the baby and how its lying, and what will happen. It was clear as we talked that she understood there was a problem.

"Mommy, how is your baby laying in your tummy?"

"Well on Tuesday when were at the midwives the baby was laying transverse." Pointing at my tummy I showed her what that means. "The baby's head is here and bum is here. Most baby's come out head first, but some come out bum first."

"How did I come out?"

"You came head first. So did Grace and Bryan."

"How will this baby come out?"

"Well, we don't really know. Either head first or bum first. But a transverse baby" - pointing to reminder her what that means - "sideways, can't come out. Those baby's get stuck, and then mommy would have to go to the hospital and have a c-section."

"I know what that is," she said - and actaully avoided eye contact with me - "that's when they cut you and take the baby out."

"Yes, that's right," I told her. "They would cut mommy here," I showered her low on my tummy, "and pull the baby out of my tummy. But we are really hoping that baby goes one way or the other, head or bum, so that doesn't happen. We just have to wait and see."

That seemed to satisfy her.

But it really is that simple, and I don't think there is much we can do at this point but wait. Like I have said over and over again....I will see on Tuesday and talk to the midwife more then. Just waiting really....the hardest part :)

8 Days to - Sunday May 16

I see, looking at the weather, the next pressure system isn't until till next weekend. That is when the baby will come. Sat or Sun....any guesses? I have a week for baby to turn. Or stay breech. Which will it be? Worry, worry, seems like all I do. I'm tired today, and the rest of the crew were all up at 7:00am...but going for a good nap, as noses are running, and grumpies are on. Daddy took the smallest one swimming, and once he's back I will be off to my workshop.

That's it for now as I have a million things to do before I leave. Have a great day, pics tonight!!

9th Day to Go - Bed Time

Off to bed I go shortly. I have given up for tonight trying to feel where the baby's head is, or guessing what the shifting is 'way down low'. I'm tired, I don't know in the end what's going to happen. I believe it will all work out, because this IS what my body has been made to do. 3 times before with great success. I've walked, and done my crazy puke inducing positions and hope, but have a bit of doubt, that its helping somehow.

Busy day tomorrow. A communication workshop. I'm looking forward to, but had hoped 2 weeks ago at Part II I wouldn't be there for Part III because of a baby. But I kinda knew I would be. So, I will make my desserts ready, and off I go once daddy and Bryan get home from swimming. At least its keeping my mind busy and I won't be worrying to much :)

I will have Goran take some pics while I'm still pregnant, and hope to post them in the next few days. I keep thinking I have to do that before it's to late, but the days keep going by before I get a chance. But I put the camera on the table so I won't forget or put if off any longer.

That's it for tonight. Hoping I sleep well.

9 Days to Go - Breech This Am.

My baby remains in a 'unfavorable' position. Breech - as that big head is on the left side of my navel, and kicks are way down low in my pelvis. I will walk more this today, do my upside down lie a few times, and and do the inversion in hope baby flips.

I'm feeling a bit discouraged, but not hopeless. I know there is still lots of time, and I am mulling over a few more ideas in my head. Chiropractor, or maybe a bought of swimming next week. It seems to me the swimming got us in this mess as baby was more buoyant and bobbed head up, so what will it hurt to go swimming...LOL. And I have been going over the whole 'transeversion' by doctor in my head. I know how they 'usually' do it, but I would have my won idea. I would go in, with my husband and my midwife. NO epidural. I understands it makes it easier, but I'm not comfortable not being able to move. I would not want to induced after wards either. My midwife told me after wards they break the water so the baby doesn't turn around again. Makes sense, other then baby will start labor when he/she is ready. I don't want to break my waters and then sit for 24 hours. Oh, and I want to go home after ward. I'm not staying there. No way. I will go home and wait for my labor to start.

Well, I have till Tuesday to get this baby to turn. I will remain hopeful and do my stuff.

10 Days to go - Part II - Baby

Okay, so the big concern is the way my baby is sitting. Well I am quit sure that this morning baby was head up. Big bobble head on the right side by my navel. And a little itty bum resting on my pelvis. Feet and kicks way down inside. So its been a busy day. Cleaning, vacuuming, washing floors, laundry, baking, walking the oldest to and from school, and almost time to get supper ready. Well now at the near end of the day, and my energy, I KNOW beyond a doubt this baby is transverse. I feel a head on one hip (right) and a butt on the other (left). So what am I going to do now? Walk, inversion, and hope like crazy he/she decides to go head down.

http://spinningbabies.com/baby-positions/all-positions/sideways

This website is good, and talks about all kinds of positions that baby's sit in. It also mentions that if you baby has been head down and recently flipped, to give it time, (a few days) as it will likely flip again. Here is for hoping :)

And off for a walk, for some help from gravity!!!

10 Days...and walking for today :)

10 days to go. The sun is shining and it is warm and lovely out. Kristyn is coming with wee ones tomorrow to fill my day with smiles, laughter and good food as usual :) I am happy about that. My belly is big and round, and the baby is moving and kicking in every which way. Hopefully baby wants out, as much as I want him/her out!

Goran and I talked last night. I explained all the fears and uncertainties I had. I explained how it was my choice and in the end everyone would either tell me I did the right thing, or tell me I did the very very wrong thing. He asked for details, which we've never gone into before. What happens if baby is breech in labor? What about transverse? How would a transversion work? Is the baby or you in danger now/today? In the end he shook his head at the system thinking it was all quit unfair and said for now I have made the best decision. If I go into labor we will re-asses then, or if the midwife has new/different info on Tuesday or the same info, we would then discuss it all again. It made me feel good to know he supported the decision I had already come too.

So today I will go for a few good walk, do a bit of baking, vacuum and wash the floors (hands and knees:) and try to get the laundry done. Already I have started with 2 small loafs of banana bread, we walked Angelina to school and the laundry is waiting to be separated. A good start to the day. And my mom has sent me a quick message to let me know 2 baby blankets are in the making. A pink one and a blue one....just in case I'm wrong about a girl :)

Hoping baby is head down - or moves that way today!!

11 Days To Go

I'm almost there!! 11 days to go to by the day I estimate as my Edd. May the 24th, 2010. I should be excited, and joyful, alternating between resting and preparing. I am looking forward to holding my baby. To seeing if I have been carrying a little girl or a little boy. I am looking forward to introducing the children to a new brother or sister. I am looking forward to nursing again. I weened the youngest when I found out I was pregnant, and I miss that. I am looking forward to presenting a new baby to my husband.

But I'm worried at the same time. I saw the midwife 2 days ago, and the baby was laying transverse. I*sigh*here heavily. My baby's have all moved around a lot. They were concerned last time, and Bryan came out head first, beautiful, healthy, and crying. I had to tell my midwife, as she laughed nervously that she should be my source of empowerment, not the other way around. Oh, she stopped laughing, well yes, she said, a bit shamefully. I have chosen to let my baby get to where it needs to be, the way it needs to do that. I felt like I was fighting with her, for my right to birth my baby how and where I wanted. She actually suggested having an OB turn the baby, breaking my water and having the baby in the hospital!!! What?? Me?? I felt I made the best choice I could picking a midwife over an OB, but I still feel let down by the system. There are still things, if its footling breech, or other such things, they would rush me in. No discussion. And for what in the end? A very disappointed mama, and a baby whom I betrayed. Women birth babies all over the world, in many many different ways. Most of the time it works out because babies in the womb are resilient. But here, today, in our society and culture, anything but head first is not normal and considered risky?? How strange and odd.

My second daughter was born at home. My first home birth. She came down my birth canal and crowned face presentation!!!! My midwife did not realize. I am so so so thankful. Had she known upon arrival we would have gone to the hospital and they would have taken her out of my body. Yes, I would have ended up with c-section. And for what? She came out screaming for her mama, and I was the most empowered woman on the planet! Not only had I birthed my baby at home, I had pushed her out face first!

During my second pregnancy I was afraid of the birth. Of the pain. The unknown and fear of what ifs. What if my body betrayed me? I didn't want to talk about it. Going to the hospital terrified me. The lights, bossy nurses, the rubber gloves, interns dieing to 'check' you every 1/2 hour. It was awful the first time around. Now, the pain does not scare me. I am not afraid that my body with betray me. I am afraid that the people I have trusted to walk through this, with me, will. I am afraid their fear will spill over, and they will take the drastic ambulance/hospital rout. And that at the time, their fear will become mine and I will agree, and end up in c-section. A c-section. That is my biggest fear. Surrendering to a doctor, a knife, a scar I will have forever, a baby they will take from me to 'check over' because my baby hasn't been able to clear his/her air way by coming down my birth canal. The shame after wards. Wondering if I had fought harder, would it had all worked out??

I am trying to remain positive. I am walking to bring that big head 'down'. I am preparing; baking, cooking and cleaning to get things ready for the arrival of my baby. I have seeked out support from people who I know can and will support my decision.

So hopefully in/by 11 days from I am holding a beautiful slippery screaming baby, and did it all at home.